I Don't Do Relationships

It'll All Be Alright

I don't really know how long I sat by the pond.  There were lights along the paths and it was a pretty fancy hotel so I felt safe even though it was dark.  My phone buzzed here and there, but I tried to ignore it, caving at times and checking it.  Henry was now texting to make sure I was okay.  Deciding they'd all leave me alone if they knew I was fine, I let Henry know I was just calming down and asked him to tell the others to leave me alone for a little while. 

It was actually nice sitting out here listening to the frogs and crickets.  I heard footsteps on the path beside my bench, causing me to be a little guarded.  Once I saw who it was, I jumped up, but didn't approach because I wasn't sure how he was feeling.  Once Calvin smiled, my arms wrapped around his neck and the tears flowed before I started apologizing.

"I'm so sorry you thought I was keeping things from you.  When it all happened, Chris and I agreed not to mention it to anyone at all, and that included you for me and Scott for him.  I wasn't..."

Calvin stopped me.  "I read your text.  It's all good.  I shouldn't have reacted how I did.  I think I was just taken off guard, you know?"  He was still holding me, rubbing my back.  "I need to come to terms with the fact that there are going to be some things you don't tell me now, and that's okay.  I'm not upset now that I've thought about it.  I need to make sure I remind myself that there will be things that are kept between only you and Chris.  I'm very selfish,  I've been your confidant for so long,  I feel like I'm losing you and I shouldn't feel like that."

Pulling back just enough to look into my best friend's face, I spoke as wholeheartedly as I could given the tears I had.  "You. Will. Never.  Lose. Me!  Do you understand me?  I told Chris that from day one.  There is no negotiating when it comes to you in my life.  Not that he has or would try to make me remove you from my life, but we even discussed that when he flew you out for my birthday.  He knows that is one thing that will never change, you will be in my life as much as I want and however I want.  Package deal."

Looking at me with a sideways grin, Calvin had a smirk.  "I'm good not being involved in all aspects of your package deal though."

"Good thing, cuz I'm not sharing all of him with you."  We both chuckled for a moment and then sat for a few minutes in comfortable silence before Calvin spoke again.

"I just feel like I come across as that clingy third wheel but at the same time I don't feel like I've been clingy, have I?  It feels like sometimes you've given up things because you don't want to lose the hugs and snuggles that we have always been comfortable with.  You know most people don't have an emotional support buddy like you and I do in each other, someone that we're so comfortable with that some people think we're a couple.  I really do want you to be honest here because I want you to be happy.  I will step back a little with the hugs or arms around your shoulder or you napping on me like earlier.  I know you'd do the same if roles were reversed."

There was no need to dive into what he said because I had already discussed this with everyone about the relationship Calvin and I had.  It was becoming a broken record.  "You are anything but clingy Calvin. 

"He was pretty pissed when he saw you on the couch with me."

"That was the alcohol and the stress from the day."

"Why are you out here then?  Where's he at now?"

We walked back to sit on the bench.  "Don't know, maybe he's still in his room, I guess.  Like I said, I left soon after you did.  I was pissed, so I didn't say much because I knew I may say things I didn't mean or regret, so I just left and didn't tell him where I was going.  Chris, Scott and Henry have been calling and texting and I haven't answered.  I just needed to breathe.  I texted you, eventually I let Henry know I was okay and asked him to tell the other two to leave me alone for a while.  Then I messaged Nicky."