Craving Oblivion (New York Billionaires Book 3)

17| Preparations

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Preparations

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Chapter 17: Preparations (Zarah's POV)

I sat up against the headboard on the bed in the guest room and instead of sleeping, I was just overthinking. That was what my entire day had gone into. Groaning softly, I hit the back of my head against the board and cracked my knuckles as I fell into thought. 

I really did not want to marry Logan Markov. Was he the worst-case scenario? No. But he wasn't exactly the best either considering how much we despised each other. 

The hatred didn't stem from any one night or one incident. There wasn't anything, in particular, I hated about him. Not knowing what exactly he did and how he played into this fucked up corrupted circle was what made me keep him at arm's length. 

When I first met Logan as a little girl, he was already isolating himself from the rest of the world. He would get annoyed very easily if someone tried talking to him and to a nine-year-old girl, a grumpy fourteen-year-old boy was... strange. I always thought he was strange and over the years, it took a lot to tame my curiosity. 

Then meeting him in Romania, I thought he was getting away from the fucked up side of New York we lived in. But then I found him playing poker in my father's library with a room full of men who were known for doing all the wrong things. It didn't take long for me to gather that Logan was someone best kept at bay. 

But one night of abandonment and he found a window into my life. I wasn't planning on sleeping with Logan that night, it just... happened. I was having a horrible night and from the looks of it, so was he. It was convenient, just one way to take our frustration out. That was all it was ever supposed to be. 

Yet somehow, when I woke up by myself the next morning, him not being there beside me felt wrong in all kinds of ways. 

Logan was more than capable of keeping me safe but marrying him meant letting him into my life. It meant allowing him to see every part of me whether I liked it or not because when you're married to someone, when you're living with someone, no matter how hard you try to prevent it, you fall into a routine; you get comfortable with them. Comfort with Logan was a huge risk. Not to mention, getting close to Logan came with its own risks; I was sure he too had his own enemies. 

Marrying Logan Markov was a huge gamble. And I had one night to decide if it was worth it. 

But if not Logan, then who else? Is there any other man I can trust with my life? No... I can't. 

Hearing a thud somewhere, I sat upright, all thoughts trickling out of my brain as every defensive mechanism kicked in. When two more thuds followed, I was out of bed and rushing out, heading straight to Logan's room.

It's not like I don't remember where it is anyway. 

I was halfway there when I realized the thuds were coming from his study instead. Slowing down to a stop in front of the door, I twisted the knob open and pushed forward just an inch, peeking my head in quietly. 

I don't see anyone... 

I gasped loudly as the door was yanked open and I stumbled ahead into the room, crashing right into... Logan.