Miss Jackson {b.u.}

{26}

I wrapped Clover up in a yellow buttoned up onesie that was like a romper. She was fast asleep. I had finally had time to het her together after arriving to the hotel room in Utah. I strapped her into her carrier and walked out. The warm crisp summer air blew against my skin as I packed her in the backseat with her carseat. Kimberly waited in the car and I sat in the backseat next to Clover. I leaned my heas back against the seat. This was the first time out since I gave birth to her and I was beyond nervous, "you have everything?"

"Yeah," I began, "go."

"You have her headphones?"

I grabbed my purse, double-checking, "yeah. We're good."

Kimberly started the car and began to drive. My eyes were glued onto Clover. Kimberly pulled her sunglasses over her head and glanced back, "you know, Brendon is going to flip when he sees how exhausted you look."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, "I don't care."

Kimberly didn't say anything. She quickly looked out the window, "well, I was just saying. Sorry it offended you."

I bit the inside of my cheek as Clover grasped my pointer finger, "I'm just in a weird place right now."

"They did say you may have postpartum."

I raised an eyebrow, then looked out of the window. I was hoping and praying that maybe I would be lucky and not get it. I didn't want to go through any of that. I looked out, seeing the stadium just seconds away. I pointed outside, letting Clover know we were close to her dad.

I grabbed my purse, then took the carrier out and placed Clover in it. Kimberly walked next to me, pulling her sunglasses to rest on the top of her head. She made sure I was ready and we walked in. I took a deep breath as we looked for the tour bus. Security guards surrounding it and they stopped us, "Uh, i'm here for my husband." I stated.

"Sorry, we're not letting anyone through."

I scoffed and fixed the way I was holding the carrier. I didn't care and began walking forward, but he stopped me, "seriously, i'm not doing this today. Move."

I kept trying to move past them, but the kept shoving me back. I was annoyed at this point. I didn't know what else to do, "uh—uh. Get off of her." Brendon said sternly and shoved the security guard, "chill the fuck out. Don't go shovin' my wife and kid, alright?"

The security guard backed up and Brendon glared at him, then placed a hand on my lower back, guiding me inside the bus. I took a deep breath as everyone gasped at Clover. Brendon leaned over and kissed my cheek, taking the carrier from me and set it on the table. Unclipping the straps and took Clover out gently. He kissed her forehead and smiled softly, "i missed you."

I smiled softly. He was so gentle and caring with her. Like he is with me. I walked over to the couch and sat down. Resting my head on my hand. Brendon cradled Clover and stared at her. He was enamored by her. He adored everything about her. The rest of the band held her. Obviously, anxiety rushed through me as they held her. I didn't have much trust in them, but I didn't mind. Brendon cradled her back up and kissed her forehead once again. I motioned that he put her back into the carrier so she can sleep and he listened. I got up, walking to the fridge, grabbing a water, then walking outside to catch a breath of fresh air. I opened the water and poured it in my mouth, "you've been okay?" Brendon asked, walking out of the tour bus.

"Yeah. I've been okay."

"You look like you haven't slept or eaten a lot," he began and squinted his eyes to stop the sun from glaring in them, "just making sure."

"I'm okay," I began, walking closer to him. He pulled me in by the waist and he smiled softly at me, "i'm just glad i get to be here now."

"Well," he began and moved strands of my hair back, "i missed you, darling."

He kissed me softly and put his hands on my lower back, resting them gently, "you and Clo are the only things that have been on my mind. I felt like I couldn't bare being without you guys."

He always knew how to capture my heart with his words. I could hear how genuine he was about me. About Clover. He meant every single word that came out of his mouth. He inched closer, planting a kiss on my forehead and grabbed my hand, guiding me back onto the bus. I looked at the time and the band was getting ready. I parted ways with Brendon quickly, picking clover up, Kimberly put the headphones on her and I set her back in the carrier and carried her along.

We entered the arena, Brendon walked ahead and I strayed behind, making sure Clover was okay. Brendon glanced back and did a double take and walked towards me. I looked up at him and he changed the direction he was walking and walked with me, "sorry, I didn't realize you were that far behind."

"Don't worry about it."

"Here, let me take her," he began and took the carrier from my hands gently, "gives you a break for a little."

I shook my hand, letting it relax. Brendon wrapped his free arm around me. It felt right being with him, like always. I didn't expect this life with him. I never excepted anything. Clover is truly a blessing and Brendon was a blessing in disguise. Funny how the world works like that.

≈≈≈≈

I set Clover down for her bedtime, Brendon and I kissed her forehead and backed away. I glanced at Kimberly, "you'll be okay with her?"

"Yeah," Kimberly began, "I'm good. You guys need to go to the club anyways. Parenthood is already stressing you two out."

"Thank you so much."

Brendon grabbed my hand, guiding us out to his Red Chevy Vintage Impala and we got in.

We walked through the doors. I wasn't going to drink, but I wasn't going to stop Brendon from doing his own thing, he wouldn't. I was a little bit ahead of Brendon. A random, perverted man looked me up and down, "how you doin' beautiful?"

I laughed in his face and then stood up straight and raised an eyebrow, "freak."

I hurried to the bathroom. Swinging the door open and running over to the sink. I hung my head low and let tears fall down. I didn't even know why I was crying, but I was. I looked at myself in the mirror and wiped my tears away. Joanne Urie doesn't take shit from anyone. Why are you letting some random man catcalling you affect you? You could've beat the shit out of him.

I cleaned myself up and walked out of the bathroom and walked over to Brendon. He leaned down and kissed me gently, "let's go, baby. Place is shit."

I nodded my head and he guided me out. His hands around my waist as he walked behind me. He kissed the side of my neck and then we got into the car and began driving.

Another Love by Tom Odell began playing on the radio. Brendon had one hand on the steering wheel and on hand on my thigh. It was a silent ride. Not a word spoke in between the two of us. Lately, we hadn't talk about anything going on, and it was hard.

Brendon pulled up to a forrest and I looked out the passenger mirror as Brendon got out, "what're you doing?"

"Just a minute, Darling." Brendon grunted. I faced forward and a slam had come from where Brendon was standing. I got out of the car, walking slowly and my eyes were wide. I was wearing a leather jacket with a black mini skirt and a white bralette.  I looked at the rings on my fingers and stared at this man for s moment. Cocking my hand back, my fist tightened, I jammed it in his face. Not once. Not twice. Ten times. I looked down at myself, staring at the blood on my knuckles and clothes. I turned to face Brendon and he stared at me, "Are we finished, darling?"

The rain began to pour over us and I stared at him for five seconds. He looked at me, his mouth slightly open and his tongue rested against his teeth—his honey eyes looking me up and down. He grabbed my face, kissing me aggressively and I pushed the same energy back at him. His tongue asked for entrance, and I let him in willingly.

Brendon Urie—you make the wild side come out.