Miss Jackson {b.u.}

{36}

January 3, 2015
I drowned out all of the voices chattering in my bedroom. Everyone was waiting for me. Just me. I've been experiencing some...symptoms lately. Ones that I know from the first time around. I walked out of the bathroom and Jada, Kimberly, Alex and Lottie stared at me, "so! What is it?"

"Someone else look. Please! I'm scared." I begged.

"No one wants to touch your piss on a stick." Jada stated.

I crossed my arms and furrowed my eyebrows, looking right at Kimberly, "Kiki?"

She groaned and got up, walking to the bathroom. These fee seconds felt way too long. She walked out with the test and she took a deep breath, smiling at it, "looks like Clover and Daphne are gonna have a sibling!"

Everyone began cheering and I grabbed the test from Kimberly and stared at it. Two solid pink lines. I took a deep breath and sighed. Clover was just barely nine months old. I couldn't possibly raise two babies. And Brendon starts tour soon. This was already a mess.

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I waited anxiously for Brendon to get home with Daphne from school. I paced around the bedroom, waiting to hear the front door to open. I took a deep breath in, then a deep breath out. My eyes were always darting to the test. It felt like I was suffocating. I can't do it. I'm not ready again. I heard the front door open and close. Daphne running to her room quickly, "honey! I'm home!"

I rubbed my hands, "i'm in our room!"

I heard his keys jingle. Each one becoming closer. I took a deep breath as the doorknob turned and the door opened and closed. I looked up at Brendon, who was taking his leather jacket off. He tossed it on the edge of the bed and glanced at me, "how was your day? I forgot you called off. You feeling okay?"

I bit the inside of my cheek, "uhm...about my day."

He furrowed his eyebrows, looking worried, "are you sick?"

I shook my head, "not like sick, but sick..."

He scoffed and shook his head. He was clearly confused, "sick but not sick? Wha-What do you mean?"

I sat next to him on the side of the bed, watching him untie his shoes and take them off. I cleared my throat, "I uh...i'm pregnant."

He shot his head up and looked at me, "what?"

"I was having symptoms and uhm—realized i'd been two months late and now here we are."

He slouched a bit and rested his hands on his knees. A smile coming across his face, but my anxieties weren't relieved, "god...i'm—i'm excited. We get to do this beautiful thing all over again."

I nodded my head, not knowing how to say anything about the way I felt. I didn't want to ruin his great moment. The moment he found out he was going to be a dad again. Brendon turned and hugged me, "i'm so excited. I love you."

I forced a smile, "I love you."

I knew with time that I would be okay with being pregnant, but I bit my cheek, "i don't think i'm ready."

"What? We've done this before."

I was getting fed up. My feelings were eating me away, "you're going to be gone for the whole fucking pregnancy! We can't tour with you."

"You want me to cancel the tour? Are you kidding me?"

I scoffed and got up, "i didn't ask you to."

Brendon got up and walked around with his hands on his hips, "Joanne, I cannot afford to lose this job."