Miss Jackson {b.u.}

{44}

It was my third day in the hospital. I didn't know when I'd be able to go home, but I had started to walk again, without any pain. I held River in my arms and stood at the window. I was wearing a green tank top and sweatpants. My hair was in a messy bun and I had my glasses on. I hadn't seen Brendon since the morning after River's birth. I turned around and Alex walked in with Clover and Daphne. I walked over to the bed, sitting down on the edge. Daphne sat next to me and Alex sat next to me with Clover on her lap, "This is your brother, River."

I placed River gently in Daphne's arms and she held him, "just keep his head supported, Daph."

I stared as Daphne held River. Clover walked behind me and sat next to Daphne, pointing at River and babbling. I smiled softly and Daphne handed him back to me and I held him close to me, then deciding to put him back into his little basket. Alex hugged me and I hugged her back. Yeah, it's not really normal for us to hug, but for some reason, I felt I needed to, "how're you holding up, Jo?"

I shrugged. "I'm okay."

Alex rubbed my back. "You don't have to act like you're this invincible force of no emotions."

I looked at her and took a deep breath, "I have my hands full, I can't really have emotions right now."

"So, let me take Clover and Daphne out again. You can sleep, get your shit done."

I looked at the clock on my wall. It was almost noon. I quickly scrummaged through my bag and pulled my laptop out, setting my computer up on the small desk and sitting in my bed, straight up. Alex grabbed the girls and walked out of the room, mouthing that she'd be back.

I pressed the link and joined a Skype meeting with the host of 'ET!'

We chatted for a few moments before going on air and when we did, I cleared my throat and smiled as she introduced me, "Hello Joanne Urie! How are you?"

"I'm as good as a mom can be."

"I heard that you gave birth to your son. Can we know details? Can you just talk to us?"

"I think I went to the doctors at ten at night on September third for contractions. But, I didn't give birth to him until September fourth."

The interviewer nodded her head. "Do you have a name yet?"

I smiled softly and nodded my head, "We have named him River because one of Brendon's favorite bands, Weezer, has a member named Rivers but we just took the 's' off."

===

I stayed on my computer. Typing emails and making sure I had everything done. The hospital door opened, shuffling echoing the room. I closed my laptop slightly and furrowed my eyebrows. Brendon and a bunch of employees of a flower shop walked in with twelve dozen roses. I furrowed my eyebrow as the room filled with color. Brendon thanked the employees and sent them off. I stared at him and Brendon turned to look at me. "Do you like them?"

"It's nice."

Brendon furrowed his eyebrows. "Jeez Joanne, at least act like you like it."

"It doesn't excuse what you did."

Brendon took his jacket off. "I was in Nebraska. There was no way I was going to get there in time."

I got up from the bed and walked toward him, "if you answered your phone, you could've."

"I had a concert."

My emotions were running wild. I was angry, hurt and sad. My eyes burned with tears, "what if I had died?"

"But you didn't."

"But what if I did? My last words would have been calling out your name and you wouldn't have been here."