Miss Jackson {b.u.}

{62}

April 10, 2017: Joanne's 25th birthday
I slowly woke from my sleep. I felt around. Joanne wasn't beside me. I quickly jolted up, throwing the covers off of me. I rubbed my eyes and walked out of the bedroom on the bus. I flicked the light on, but shut my eyes as they were just adjusting. I shuffled across the room, finding Joanne on the couch, sleeping by her mom. It was sweet, cute even. But, she can't keep torturing herself like this. I blew air out of my mouth and squatted down next to the couch. I didn't want to wake her. She was peaceful, yet to me—rather beautiful. I caressed her face with the side of my hand. Only fond memories of her sleeping on my couch appeared through my mind the longer I stared at her. All of the times she'd appear at my door, tears brimming to the edge of her water line and her begging me to save her. Sure, we didn't have that anymore, but she's a big girl.

I tapped her lightly, "Jj."

She moved slightly, but she was just adjusting her position. I tapped her again, "Jj."

Her eyes shot open and she quickly shot up from her slumber. I rested my hands on her biceps and calmed her down, "it's just me, darling. Just me."

Joanne laid back down and put her hand over her face, shielding it from the light. I stared at her, still squatting on the ground. My hand took a hold of hers and I whispered, "come back to bed."

"I can't."

I stood up and she pulled herself up. I walked over to the chair and grabbed a sweatshirt and tossing it on. I took her hand and took her outside. I know how to calm her down—even in the darkest hours of the night.

Joanne stood in front of me, head down and she could barely look at me, "talk to me. What's goin' on in that pretty little head of yours?"

Joanne twiddled with her thumbs and I brought my hands to hers and stopped her. I had my ears opened to listen and my eyes locked onto her, "I thought that if...maybe I sleep out on the couches with my mom the nightmares would stop."

I lifted her chin up for her to look at me. "I know these nightmares are terrifying for you. And i'm willing to get up every night when you do, just to make sure you're okay. But you have got to trust that I have your back."

"I do trust you—I just.."

I rubbed my hands along the sides of my her arms, "I married you. I asked you to be my wife and that includes all of the fuss and the hard nights. It all plays out for me in the end."

Joanne furrows her eyebrows. I sighed and looked her in the eyes, "that sounds terrible."

"it's you at the end of the day i'm doing all of this for. I wouldn't chose to do this or any life with anyone else, Joanne."

She furrowed her eyebrows again. I think she was suspicious, "you're very sweet, babe, but where's this going?"

I held my pointer finger up, motioning her to wait a moment. I hurried inside, grabbing the small velvet box. I hurried back outside, putting the box behind my back. Joanne rolled her eyes and scoffed. All she wanted was to go back in and sleep some more before the kids woke her up, "You know, I wasn't...I wasn't supposed to do this until the last show."

"Okay," she began and crossed her arms, "what the fuck are you doing?" she began and spoke nonsense as she looked down at me, while I was on one knee with a ring out in front of her, "We can't stand out here-oh my fucking god...you're fucking proposing?"

I stared at her. I lathered my lips with my tongue, "Joanne Margaret... Marrying you once isn't enough. I need to marry you a thousand times. I know this is crazy, darling. But, I can't get enough. And this time, I know you well enough to pick a better ring."