Miss Jackson {b.u.}

{65}

Tapping had awoken me. I threw the blanket over my head and tossed myself on my other side, groaning right after. I felt someone sit on behind me on the edge of the bed, and I tried to ignore it as best I could, "Jj."

"Leave me alone," I began, "i'm sleeping."

Brendon got up and flicked the lights on. I groaned again, hiding deeper into the blankets, "come on, dollface. Breakfast is ready."

I glanced up at the alarm clock on my nightstand. It was nine in the morning. I didn't need to be awake this early, especially after yesterday.

I got up from bed. Brendon had disappeared and I walked into the closet, finding an outfit. I decided on black, athletic leggings and a white t-shirt to match. It was loose, but fitted everything else well. I brushed through my hair and pulled it into a low and loose ponytail. I slipped a pair of white ankle socks on and walked into Clovers room and picked her up from her crib, changing her into jeans and a t-shirt. I walked into the bathroom with her and sat her on the counter and began brushing through her knotted up hair.

I felt bad when I had to comb through her knots. I hated hearing her cry because I was hurting her. I moved the comb out of the way and kissed her forehead, "i know, im sorry honey."

And the crying didn't stop for a few minutes. That was until Brendon walked in, with a earbud in his ear and he was singing An Innocent Man by Billy Joel, "some people stay far away from the door, if there's a chance of it opening up.."

I stared at him through the mirror as I kept brushing through her hair, but he was grabbing tissues and singing, "they hear a voice in the halls outside in hopes that it just passes by."

Brendon glanced over at Clover—who finally had just stopped crying. He didn't pay any kind of attention for a moment and kept singing and he stood next to her on the counter and glanced at her again, smiling softly, "some people live with the fear of a touch—and the anger of havin' been a fool."

The moment felt like it was pulling right out of a movie. Brendon kissed her cheek and rubbed her back for a moment and he reassured Clover, "you're okay, mama."

Brendon smiled at her and then looked at me and kissed my cheek, then ran fingers through my hair for a moment and then walked back downstairs.

The smell wandered through the air. Coffee and waffles. The sweet smell mixed with some of the bitterness reminded me of mom. It reminded me of sunday breakfast before church, rushing to leave because someone didn't wake up in time. When I walked into the kitchen, River's eyes lit up and started yelling my name. I walked over to the free high chair,placing Clover in the one next to River—and I kissed the sides of their faces. Brendon walked over to me, handing me a cup of coffee, "here, drink some, darling."

I subconsciously took the mug and walked past the high chairs to the spot I normally sit at beside Daphne. I set the coffee down and sat down, "daph? How many do you want to eat?"

"I don't know." Daphne uttered and shrugged.

"Jj? How many do you want?"

I turned my head back for a moment, "zero."

Brendon closed the waffle maker as he finished pouring the mix into their sections and set his hand on his hip, "You're eating."

I picked the mug of coffee up, letting it cool by my mouth, "Okay! I'll eat, just not right now."

I heard him sigh and I raised my eyebrows and rolled my eyes as I stared off into space.

I finally had taken in that mom had passed. It took me almost all night—but I think i'm accepting it. I understand now that it was something that was supposed to happen. Mom passing is probably supposed to shape me in some way.