Miss Jackson {b.u.}

{43}

September 03 2015: 10:00 p.m.

I flicked off the television. our mom, Alex, Daphne, Clover and our dad had just finished their annual movie night. I had my hair in a braid, one of Brendon's t-shirts on and a pair of my black sweatpants. I picked up the bowl of popcorn and walked to the kitchen and setting it on the counter. Alex walked up behind me, but quickly bent down to take her sock off, "Ew, did you fucking piss, Jo?"

I furrowed my eyebrows and look down at the small puddle beneath me. "That's not piss."

"What is it?"

"Soda."

"Oh."

I winced in pain and quickly grabbed my stomach. Alex put her hand on my back and helped me stand straight, "Alex, do me a solid."

"Mhm?"

"Go get the shit together," I began, "and call Brendon, it's time."

September 04 2015: 7:00 a.m.

I laid in the hospital bed. Tears streamed down my face. Contractions were killing me. I laid on my side and grabbed the railing. Our mom, Alex and Kimberly were in the room with me. All trying to give me supportive words, but none of it helping. The heart rate monitor began rapidly beeping and the nurses and doctors began to hurry, "Mom! Help me, please!"

I begged and pleaded for someone to be there. I just wanted Brendon to be there and he promised that he'd be here. Our mom ran to my side and held my hand. The doctor put the oxygen mask over my face. I took a deep breath, in the nose, out of the mouth. I could see the room start to blur. My hands started to sweat and the back of my hand rested against my forehead. My face was wet with salty tears. I didn't know where Brendon was right now, but it hurt that he wasn't with me, "you're okay, Jojo."

I ignored everyone's comments. They weren't helping. I heard Alex on the phone, audibly angry, "Hello?! Forehead! I've been calling you for over eight hours! Your wife is in labor, she's having complications."

"How many centimeters am I dilated?" I groaned out in pain.

The nurse walked over and checked me. I winced in pain and the nurse ripped her gloves off, "you're ready to push, doll."

I positioned herself to push. Kimberly and Alex stood on both sides of me, holding my hands. The doctor told me to push and I squeezed her eyes shut, squeezing Alex and Kimberly's hands. I screamed out in pain, "Mom! Mom! I can't...."

"she's bleeding!" Our mom yelled.

"I..I need Brendon!"

I was struggling to breath. Grasping for every breath of air. I was fighting for my life. I laid my head back on the pillow. Tears streamed down my face with every push. I would yell out every so often that I wanted to give up and I couldn't do it anymore. Adrenaline rushed over me and I completely tuned everyone but the doctor out. Alex, Kimberly, our mom and the increasing rate on the heart rate monitor. I was almost pale in the face. My eyes darted around looking for Brendon. I was losing my sight, everything was becoming blurry. My ears were ringing and slowly began to hear nothing. Nothing seemed real in the moment. Everything the doctors tried, wasn't working.

"She's hemorrhaging!"

"Baby's out! Get her to the emergency, stat!"

"We haven't tried all possibilities."

"I don't care! She was bleeding the whole delivery. You keep wasting time, that's a dead patient on your record!"

I was barely alive. The doctors kept me awake as they rolled me down the hallway. All I could think about was Brendon. My eyes were fluttering open, my face becoming paler by the second. Every doctor that was in my view, looked like Brendon.