I'll always need you

35

2 weeks later, July 7th 

Claire's POV

Today is the day I lost my best friend. My soulmate. The father of my daughter and even my son. The one who made me feel special. My shoulder to cry on. I lost my better half. 

We miss you so much Ezra. I hope you are happy up there, big guy. Zealand and I miss you so much and we wish you were here. Zealand just isnt the same boy he was. He asks for daddy, forgetting you're not coming back. He cries every time he hears the word daddy, he knows that your gone and understands that you are gone forever. 

Haven didn't know you as much as Zealand did, but I think she's at that stage where she needs a daddy. She needs someone to play around with that isn't her mommy. She needs that rock who will throw her up in the air and someone that will catch her when she comes back down and laugh with her. I can't do the things you did, I wish you were here to do that. If you were here, I know she'd be a daddy's girl. 

She's your mini. I see so much of you in her expressions. She's walking real well now. I know you see that up there. I know you watch her every step... Her every move, but I wish you were here with me watching her with me. I know you love her and I know you see us, I just hate not seeing you every day. I miss how we would wake up every morning and you would give me a hug and then give bubba a kiss and play with him every morning... Keeping him busy while sissy slept. He loved playing with you and now every morning feels different for me and for him. 

We miss you so much. If you were here right now, we would be so much happier and life would be complete. We wouldn't cry every day when even the thought of you came over us. Zealand wouldn't cry when the word daddy came out of anyone's mouth. He needs his daddy back and I need my husband back. But we both know you're not coming back. 

I met a boy, His name is Nolan and I know you placed him in my life for a reason. You told me to move on and I promised I would. I love you so much and I know you want me to move on. But you will never leave my mind, baby, never. 

Zealand knows this is the day you died, because he looks at the calender every morning and he saw your face. I put a picture of you on today's date, but this is the worst day of my life. I wanted to remember you on this day and I always will. Zealand woke up this morning, came to my bed and said "daddy's day" and whimpered "the day daddy left" and then he cried. We cried for a whole minute in each other's arms. I told him daddy was watching his every move and that you loved him so much and that barely cheered him up.

We miss you, Ezra, we really do. We would do anything to have you here... Anything. I hope you're doing ok up there. I wish nothing but pure joy to you and I hope you have a smile on your face when you see us down here.