𝑻 𝑯 𝑬 𝑵 𝑨 𝑵 𝑵 𝒀 (18+)

eight.

                                 A M A R A

There were moments in my life that almost didn't feel real. Things I've said, plans I've made, and people I've loved. Every action I made came with deep deliberate thought and that made living in the moment almost impossible. I couldn't just wake up on a whim and decide I wanted to move to Europe. I couldn't quit my job without having a proper plan in place and I couldn't tell my boyfriend I thought he was cheating on me with his Kit Kat.

Every action came with a consequence. When I decided to move in with Dominic I was prepared to accept the fact that I might've found him attractive. I knew there was a chance his ex-wife was a bitch, or his kids spawned from hell. I knew I'd have to share my life with a complete stranger and his kids and that was fine. I knew what I was getting myself into.

Love, that was something different. I didn't love Luis. I was fond of him but if we broke up today I would survive. I'd dust off the wounds and I'd look fate straight in the eye and tell them they won. That I tried to take my life into my own hands for once and I failed, an outcome fate expected. Times like these I really missed my mom. She gave the best advice and it always came with warm chocolate chip cookies and a hug that just made you want to cry.

Zaria told me I was being a pessimist. Being brushed off and embarrassed in front of his coworker was an overreaction and I'd just caught him at a bad time. She wasn't naïve enough to think that but for once in her life, she felt bad for me. She saw the bags under my eyes and the worry lines on my forehead. She overheard me sorting through my bills trying to figure out how I was going to make it yet another month without drowning.

She knew what I needed to hear and weighed the consequences of her telling me and decided it wasn't a good idea. At least not at the time. She sent me home with a warm take care of yourself and honestly I didn't know how. I've been taking care of everyone else since I was sixteen and you know what they say. Old habits die hard.

I kicked off my shoes and moved them under the desk in the foyer. The kids were due to get off the bus at any moment so I hadn't known why I even bothered. Rolling my eyes I pushed my feet back into my sneakers and opened the front door. It was a hot one today, almost reaching a hundred degrees. Thank God it was Friday. At least that's what I'd like to say. Luis was going to be here tomorrow morning and I hadn't even started packing. To tell you the truth, I didn't even want to go.

I wiped the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand and waited by the other moms. They were all dressed up, probably just getting back from work or entertaining guests. I looked down at my outfit and mustered a laugh. A pair of black shorts and a loose-fitted t-shirt were enough for me to get through the day. I was shit at doing my makeup though Zaria tried her best to teach me all of the best ways to smoothly apply foundation. I had the clothes to dress nicely but most of the time I just didn't want to. I never went anywhere and sometimes I found it hard to get dressed up when I'd only be spending the day in the house or going to class.

Yawning, I stood on my toes and rocked back and forth. From a distance, I saw the yellow school bus slowly making its way to the corner before coming to a complete stop. When the door opened the aid smiled at all the parents and began ushering all of the younger kids out. Jamie seemed to always be the first one off the bus. He was also the only one that still had as much energy as he did when he got to school.

He ran up to me with arms opened wide and smothered me with a hug. I needed it, and I squeezed him a little tighter even though he mysteriously smelled like nacho cheese Doritos. "Did you have fun at school today?" I asked still waiting to see Josh's head pop up in the line.

He nodded and struggled to fix his backpack on his shoulder. Whatever was in it was weighing him down and instead of watching him struggle I decided to just take it from him. "Yeah, today we made pictures for our teachers and had snack," He beamed.