𝑻 𝑯 𝑬 𝑵 𝑨 𝑵 𝑵 𝒀 (18+)

fifty

                                   AMARA

"It's negative," I tossed the pregnancy test onto Dominic's bed unconcerned with where it had just been. He didn't seem to mind either because he picked it up and cursed to himself, "How'd you—"

"Your concern the other day was not as subtle as you thought it was, besides it's crossed my mind a few times. Even with birth control accidents happen." I sat down next to him and rested my head on his lap, "maybe I should take another? Just to be sure." If I had them I'd take five, then another five for good measure.

"A blood test may be better," he corrected me. "You're only saying that because you're a doctor," I rolled my eyes, "but I guess I can make an appointment with my gyno. A check-up wouldn't hurt either."

"No it wouldn't," he agreed and splayed a hand against my shoulder. A beat of silence passed and none of us jumped to fill it. I had everything to say and nothing at all. Truth be told, this had been the only time I wasn't sure whether I'd come out okay if the blood test told me anything different. I couldn't think about that though so instead I closed my eyes and picked at my chipped nail.

"When are we going to talk about it?"

Sighing, I looked up at him, "talk about what?"

"What happens if you are pregnant? Though I have some faith in Clearblue I think we should still talk about what happens if it's right." He looked down at me, eyes low and expectant. There was no getting out of this conversation and I shouldn't have wanted to but it seemed like the best option at the moment. For me at least. It was no surprise Dominic wanted to talk through it. He wanted to talk through everything to make sure his intentions were clear. It was a good trait in a friend and a lovely trait in a boyfriend, lucky for me he was both.

"And what if it's wrong?" I protested. Dominic shook his head, "then we should still talk about it. How we react to this is important whether you're pregnant or not. Of course, I'm more so worried about what you think, so please—" He lifted my chin and cupped my cheek, "talk to me."

"Andrea offered me a job at her firm," I watched his eyebrows crease while he tilted his head, "she did? When?"

"The other day, it's an internship and while I'll still live here in California where she's based she made it very clear that I would be doing a lot of traveling."

I rubbed my temples and frowned, "It is an incredible opportunity and I want to do it. I owe it to myself to do it but—I don't know this scare just showed me that there may be more things I can't do."

"How do you mean?"

"If this test were wrong and I am pregnant, there's no way I could travel all over the country away from any support or you. I can't take a baby with me on the road and I wouldn't want to be away for months at a time without seeing my kid. Dominic the only reason I have this job is because you don't have time either. You still don't and I know you're doing your best and I know that you love Josh and Jamie but—"

"But you don't want to do that to another kid," he interrupted me.

"No, I don't. So in regards to that conversation, I don't think we have anything else to talk about."

He nodded and tapped on the bed with anxious eyes, "and the conversation about us?"

Nothing ever got past him.

I sat up from the bed and thought of what I was going to say next. I'd been thinking about what was next for me for weeks now, and judging by the birthday gift he knew where I was headed. That fact made it easier to explain but it didn't make leaving any harder.