𝑻 𝑯 𝑬 𝑵 𝑨 𝑵 𝑵 𝒀 (18+)

forty-two

                                  A M A R A

I couldn't remember the last time I'd been on a date. More specifically, a date that didn't end with a screaming match. I thought being out with Dominic would be awkward not because of our age gap but because we were safe in a bubble when we were at home. When we were in Italy. There, we could pretend that nothing else mattered. That we were the only two people that mattered in this relationship and there were no real-life consequences for a boss pursuing his employee and vice versa. There was more than one invisible line crossed when he kissed me but none of that mattered in the moment because it felt right. Here at dinner, we were unprotected and the real world managed to sneak up on me faster than I anticipated.

This wouldn't end well. I hoped it would but I knew myself better than that so this wouldn't end well. Until then I'd drink the wine and I'd let him kiss my hand. I'd familiarize myself with his eyes and every expression he offered me. I'd kiss him, imprint the way his lips felt into my memory for safekeeping and I'd cherish his kids forever because when they found out about this they'd be devastated. I could convince myself otherwise. Say that they loved me and they'd understand but they wouldn't because they loved their mother. Josh loved his mother and he was angry at his dad for a truth he could never understand. I didn't want to be the reason he found out the truth.

"Something on your mind?" Dominic took one final sip of his wine before leaning back in his chair. I pushed my spoon back and forth through the melted ice cream and forced a smile on my face, "Nothing I'm fine."

He didn't believe me and I didn't expect him to. I just didn't want to muddy up a good night with my overthinking. "You're still worried about school and the kids?"

I smiled, "No I'm just pissed that I let my ice cream melt."

"I can get you more ice cream, but I can't change that look on your face unless you tell me what's wrong."

What was wrong was the fact that Dominic Gray wasn't a hard man to fall for. Never mind how attractive he was or how clean. He was kind and attentive and he smelled good. He had a beautiful smile and it was real. When he smiled his eyes crinkled and a laugh would spill out. When he talked he looked at you like you were the only person in the room. Didn't matter what you were talking about he always gave his full attention and if he couldn't he'd apologize and try again. He was predictable in a good way, and stable. I'd never had that. It was scary but I wanted it and I stupidly wanted it with him.

"It's nothing I just, I really like spending time with you." I took a deep breath, "I'm used to people being temporary in my life and—"

"You don't want this to be temporary," he finished my sentence. "Amara, I know you've had to get used to hearing bad news, preparing for the worst, and worrying about your future before you could make decisions today." He took my hand and kissed it, "but I ask that when you're with me you try your best to forget all of that. A moment out of your day where you don't have to constantly worry about protecting yourself and your future."

His head tilted, "Can you do that for me?"

I laughed to keep myself from crying, "Yes. I mean I can try."

"Good, because I'm going to grab the bill and then we're going to go home so I can try my best to make you feel a little bit better."

I squeezed my legs together and smiled, "And if your best isn't good enough?"

"Then I'll try again and again and again. It could take all night really."

"In that case," I thanked the waiter and peeked at the bill, "this is all yours."