Real Love

10.

I wake up and I'm in a hospital gown.
I feel so out of it and dizzy.
My eyes are kinda fuzzy so I rub them
Carina is sitting on the hospital chair staring straight at me.
"When did I get changed?"
I mumble as I sit up.
"I got you changed baby"
"Oh okay"
I need the bathroom but I can do it myself.
I try to shift but I can't.
"Baby... I need the bathroom"
"Okay here I'll help you"
She comes over to me and shifts my legs over the bed.
She lifts me and puts me into her arms.
"Baby I can literally lift you and I'm not even that strong so that's saying something... you feel so-"
"Light I know"
She carries me and places me onto the toilet.
"Do you have to look at me?"
"I'll turn around"
She turns around and taps her foot against the floor.
I sigh and go.
She asks if I'm done and I nod.
She stand me back up and I wipe myself.
She flushed the toilet after she checks the colour of it.
She helps me to walk back out
"I...think I'm going to...."
I collapse again.
"I need some help in here now!"
She screams
I wake up in the bed again.
There's a dinner plate in front of me
"Baby it's dinner time"
Carina tells me as she stuffs some green vegetables from her salad into her mouth
"I'm not eating it"
I frown as I push it away.
"You didn't even look at it"
I open it and put the lid back on it
"There, I still don't want it"
She frowns and I cross my arms.
"What time is it?"
"6"
"Where's my phone?"
"Over here"
She gets up and unlocks the locker.
She gives it to me and I thank her
I look at my text messages
Vic : Hope your okay , sending you love  x
Andy : get better soon girlie x
Diane : we need to have a session asap. I heard about what's happened and I'm very disappointed that you haven't told me. I think going into a ward would be best for you at the moment Maya because you can't work in your condition if you can't even run without fainting. You will be admitted to one if the board or I decide it's best for you whether you agree or disagree.
I start immediately crying and Carina puts her salad down.
She sits on the bed and I throw myself into her arms
"Hey hey what's going on? What's happened?"
I point to my phone and she takes it and reads the text.
She hugs me as I continue to sob.
She lies on the hospital bed , I lie on top of her
and she cradled me like a child.
"Sh sh you're okay... I've got you."
"I love you so much carina. I don't know how you stay with me."
"I love you, that's why I stay. Anyway I dated a 28 year old when I was 16 and he was way way worse than you"
"Damn"
"I know I regret it know but it was back in Italy"
I nod and I am still crying when Diane comes in.
I instantly tense up.
"Why are you here?"
"I'm here to talk to you to see where you are at."
I hide in Carina's sweatshirt.
"I don't want to talk"
"That's okay, I just need to ask some questions and then I'll be on my way? You can nod or shake your head."
"I don't want to-please carina make her leave"
"I don't think she is ready to talk to you just yet"
"Okay okay I'll come back when she has been discharged."
She leaves with a sigh and I cry into Carina's sweatshirt.
"Sh I'm here. I'm here baby it's okay"
She rocks me back and forth like a child and it's so soothing that I fall asleep.