Real Love

Therapy

I wake up and Carina changes my bandages since it bled through.
I stare at the wall as she pats my arm lightly.
"All done baby"
"Thank you"
I put Maeve in my hip and make her some porridge with berries and maple syrup.
I feed her and then I feed carina and I.
I lie down on the couch after putting Maeve down for her nap early since she's exhausted which is exactly how I feel.
Carina sits next to me.
"Hey baby, it's nearly time for your therapy. Did you call the babysitter?"
I nod
It's Jess.
I met up with her recently and I trust her so much
She comes over as I pulling my jeans on.
"Hey Maya! Hi carina"
She hugs both of us and then hugs Maeve who's now awake.
"We're gonna have lots of fun playing with toys aren't we?"
She smiles as she places Maeve on her hip.
"Bye baby, thanks for doing this Jess!"
I smile as I kiss her in the cheek.
Carina smiles and grabs her bag as we close the door.
We get into the car and we put on our seatbelts
Tears already appear in my eyes.i
"I - I um don't think I can do this"
"Yes you can baby"
I nod and take her hands as we walk into the hospital.
We go to the top floor as normal and Katharine is waiting for us.
"Hey Katharine"
I say.
"Hi Maya, Hi carina. Please take your seats and I'll be with you in one second"
I nod and we both go into her office.
I sit down , carina sits beside me and holds my hand since it's been shaking for the last ten minutes.
Katharine comes in with a notebook in her hand.
"Sorry about the delay"
She says as she sits down.
"No it's fine"
I say as my knee jerks which startled me slightly and judging carina's expression , it scared her too.
Katharine looks down and then back up at me.
"Have you got any news that you'd like to share?"
She says.
"I um relapsed."
"When was that?"
"Don't you already know?"
"I do but I need you to say it yourself Maya"
"Yesterday"
I say ashamed.
She nods and writes it down.
"I'm so sorry to hear about that Maya, would you be willing to show me what you did?"
I shake my head rapidly.
"Okay that's okay"
Carina places her hand on mine as I get nervous.
"The thoughts have been really bad and I just wanted to feel some pain."
Katharine nods.
"How does it feel when you hurt yourself Maya?"
"It hurts a lot but it's a good kind of pain."
"Did you feel the same when you were younger?"
"No not really. I couldn't understand why I was doing it to myself neither did my parents. My dad actually brought me to a therapist loads of times to try to make me stop because i was trying to cut myself at any chance I got but it just made it worse"
"Can you remember the therapy sessions maya?"
"Yes every word that the therapist and my dad said...and what they did to me"
"Could you close your eyes and tell us baby?"
Carina questions.
I sigh and put my legs on carina's lap as I lie down.
"Now I understand that you've brought your daughter here?"
He questions to my father.
"Yes. This is my daughter Maya"
I sit reluctantly in the black leather chair and shift uncomfortably.
The therapist looks down at me in my dress that my dad forces me to wear with a big ass bow on it.
"Hi Maya. I'm Jason."
"Hey"
I say uncomfortably.
He looks at me again.
"I understand that you've been self harming huh?"
"I don't want him here"
I say as I look at my dad.
My dad sits next to me.
"I'm staying now talk to him."
He says as he puts his arm around me.
"Yes I have..."
"For how long?"
Jason questions.
"A couple months."
"Okay do you have any coping methods?"
"I run track"
He nods and then sits on the other side of me
I shift uncomfortably and pull my dress down a bit.
He looks into my eyes
"A pretty girl like you maya shouldn't be leaving marks on herself, what a waste of a beautiful body!"
He tells me as he puts his hand on my breast.
I stand up but my dad tackles me to the ground.
"I'll hold her down"
He tells him.
Jason nods as he pulls up my skirt.
I scream and attempt to lick but Jason spreads my legs in a way that I can't kick.
He unbuckles his belt and I cry.
Jason presses his cigarette onto my stomach and we both hear the sizzling noises.
My Dad pulls me off the floor and makes me suck him and Jason off for about two hours and then he pulls down my shirt and escorts me to the car.
When we leave , my mascara is dripping and I'm crying.
My skirt is cum stained and blood is on it too.
He hauls me into the car and puts the seatbelt on me so I can't escape.
He starts driving on the highway.
"Dad it hurts."
"What hurts baby girl?"
He questions as he places a hand on my thigh.
"Everything."
He pulls into a garage and buys me some paracetamol.
"Take one"
He tells me as he hands me a Diet Coke.
I down the coke with a pill for a side and then he gets in the back and drags me with him.
He goes down on me as I scream and cry.
"No no please... stop it it hurts"
He continues, finishes and drives home.
I open my eyes and sit back up.
"That's all I can talk about for today"
"That's okay. I'll see you on Tuesday Maya. Have a good weekend"
She smiles.
We leave and we have drinks with Jess before she leaves and we go to bed.