Real Love

Back To Work

I wake up to my alarm at 5.
Carina's already gone to work so I can purge in peace.
I do that and then get ready and leave the house
I drove to work and my stomach feels off so I take some paracetamol .
"Go easy Maya, you're not even in the bulding five seconds and you're already scoffing down some pills"
Jack remarks
"My stomach is sore,they are Paracetamol"
I show him the packet
"See!"
I say frustrated as I put my coat in my locker.
"I do Maya jees, I guess somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed"
"Oh shut up Jack"
He leaves and I put the packet away in my locker so I don't take anymore.
I put my laxatives and my diet pills in there too.
The razor blades too, just in case.
I'm getting into my uniform when the alarm sounds.
Fuck, I forgot how loud it was
"Aid Car"
That's not me so I sit down in the locker room.
Andy comes.
"Welcome back Maya!"
"Thanks Andy!"
I smile as she walks away.
I'm finally on my own.
We then get a call
"Fire in a factory. It's bad"
We grab our gear and head out on the call.
I saved two people.
Two lives I saved and I can't even save myself.
I go to go to the bathroom but Andy stops me
"Um what do you think you are doing?"
I say as I try to remove her hand from the doorway
"Carina has advised I watch you"
"Oh for fucks sake, I'm fine Andy!"
"You are clearly not! You can't even move my arm away and you're are shaking and have been all day"
She points to my hand which my fingers seem to be dancing.
"I said I'm fine now please get out of my way!"
She stands still.
"Fine"
I head for the upstairs bathroom but Vic is there
"Not you too."
"She told everyone Maya not just me and Andy"
Vic states
I take my wallet and leave
"Where are you going Maya? You're still on shift"
"I'm going to a bathroom away from here."
I walk to a coffee shop and buy a coffee and then use their bathroom.
I chug the coffee and then I purge straight after drinking it.
I wipe my mouth clean and take one of their free breath mints.
I meet Andy on my way back.
"Have a nice time did you?"
"Very nice actually"
I walk in-front.
"I'm going to talk to Carina about you, you're being a bitch Maya"
"You don't know what I'm going through Andy so just shut the fuck up and stop fucking watching me, you got it?!"
"You reek of sick... you purged"
"Maybe I did and maybe I didn't!"
I shrug my shoulders and cross the street.
I would jump in front of a train right now.
I get back into the station.
Sullivan stares at me.
He's the captain but he's nice to me.
I walk past Andy and him.
I go back into the locker room and sit down in front of my locker.
I sigh and punch my locker in frustration
My hand starts to bleed
Tears grow as blood starts to flow.
"I've called Carina and.."
Andy sees me and then she sees my hand.
"GET OUT! GET OUT"
I scream at her
She closes the door.
I hear her talking to Sullivan.
"She's gone absolutely bonkers, she's punched her locker and now she's crying because her hand is bleeding"
I throw all the pills into my handbag and I put back on my coat.
I wrap my hand in a bandage and walk out.
Sullivan grabs me.
"Get your hands off me!"
"Where do you think you are going?"
He shouts at me.
"Home."
"Where do you think you are going?"
My dad screams as he pulls me closer to him.
"To the party, you said I could"
"I said you could if you won your race and did you win?"
I shake my head.
"Losers don't get to celebrate instead they get fucked"
He pushes me down on the couch where my mom was sitting.
She moves to the other couch and sits down.
I scream as he hits me
"Shut up! Just take it like a good girl"
I have tears in my eyes as I walk out of the station.
I sit in my car and scream.
I drive back home and put my key in the door.
Carina is standing there at the door.
She looks at me
She has her arms folded just like my dad used too.
I don't look at her and I walk past her but she follows in hot pursuit
She grabs me by the arm.
"Stop it...let me go"
She doesn't let go as I try to get her to remove it.
I don't want to hurt her so I just walk and then she lets go.
I take off my uniform and put on some leggings.
I put on a crop top and I take my keys and phone
"You are not going for a run"
Carina demands
I don't listen and I walk off.
The minute I get out of the house , I start to run and she is there behind me running up to me.
I keep running and she catches up
"I run... alone."
"Not anymore"
She takes my hand and we run together.
I find it comforting to have her.
We run and run until my legs give out and I collapse.
Luckily into her arms.
When I come too, she has her phone out and she's definitely on the phone to someone
She smiles as Andy and Ben pulls up.
"I'm not getting in the car"
I frown.
Carina lifts me as I protest and she straps me into the car.
I try to open the door but Andy had it on child locks.
I accept it and just stare at my legs as they drive us home: