Real Love

Talking To Carina

Carina thanks Andy and Ben for dropping us home
"Don't come back to work for a month Maya! I'm serious this time"
Ben tells me
I don't respond
Carina lifts me inside.
She sits me on the couch and I don't dare to look up at her.
"Your behaviour isn't right Maya baby look at me"
She touches my face and I look up.
"I think you might need to go into a ward"
I stand up quickly and move way from her
I feel my dads hands around me as he leads black and blue me into the ward.
"I'm not going back there! You can't make me!"
"What happened there baby?"
I block her out and shake my head
"I don't want you to know."
I say as I go into the bathroom.
She opens the door and closes it.
She sits down next to me on the floorand holds my hand
"Tell me baby."
I frown and I cling to her.
I shake my head rapidly.
"Sh sh you're safe"
"No he'll hurt me if I tell anyone!"
"He raped me there."
"Who?"
"A doctor who is dead now and then my dad visited me every Monday and every Wednesday. You can guess what happened when he came to visit."
"He raped you."
I nod as I cry.
"He got the doctors to lock me in a padded room naked with only a straight jacket on because I was diagnosed with anxiety."
"What do you have baby?"
"Anxiety, Depression and PTSD. The doctors thought I was bipolar because I had many symptoms but I'm okay now."
"Did you take any meds?"
"I took some anti depressants but I got addicted so my dad took them away from me."
I shake as she rubs my back.
"I'm going to help you get better."
"You can't help me... nobody can."
"I can try my best"
She smiles as she wipes a tear from her eye.
"We should spend some time off together so you can tell me about your childhood and ptsd."
"Oh um okay"
"I can organise it with Chief Bailey so that I can get a month of leave."
"If you want?"
"Okay I'll give her a call. I'm going to help you"
She gets up and grabs her phone.
She sits back down next to me and calls Bailey.
I hear Bailey yelling over the phone.
"WHAY WHAT WHAT WHY? A MONTH"
She explains why as I sob.
"Oh I understand... personal leave. I'm sorry"
"It's accepted"
I smile but the tears keep coming
"I'm sorry you're hurting baby"
"Thank you"
I smile as she strokes my hair out of my face.
She pulls my hair into a ponytail.
I remember my dad yeeting me around the house by it
"I want to cut my hair"
I say as I stand up.
I grab the scissors and cut it before she can say anything else
She comes up behind me and puts her hand around my waist
"You look beautiful"
She smiles as she looks at the even cut.
I put my hair down and look at myself.
"My dad used to pull my ponytail and tug on it when he was raping me and I've had enough of my long-hair anyways"
"I love you"
She smiles
"I love you too"