Real Love

Another Therapy Session

Carina wakes me up.
"What time is it baby?"
"It's 10am , you have your therapy session at 6 until 7:45"
I nod
"Why is it so late?"
"Katharine didn't have any clients at that time and that was the only available opening for her"
I get up after kissing her and I get dressed.
I put some perfume on and then she puts some on too.
It soon turns 5:30 so we drive to the hospital early.
Mer hugs me when she sees me.
We talk for a bit before we go to the top floor
"Do you want me to stay?"
"Yes please, don't leave. I think its good for you to know what goes on inside my head"
She nods and I put my head on her shoulder
"Hi Maya"
She smiles as she puts her clipboard in the other hand.
"Hey Katharine"
She leads us into her office
I walk in and I immediately shiver
I lie on the couch.
Carina sits on the armchair beside me and holds my hand.
"Shall we get right to it Maya?"
"Sure"
"What happened at Christmas last year?"
"I um went to my parents house per the request of my mother because she didn't want to be alone at Christmas. My dad was supposed to be somewhere else but he decided to stay when he found out I was going there."
"Did he intend to do it?"
She questions
"Of course he did"
She nods and indicates for me to continue
"At this time I still didn't really believe that he abused me because I was in denial"
She nods
"I went to their house on Christmas Eve and planned to stay until Boxing Day. He raped me three times in that short space of time."
Carina's hand stiffens around me trying to protect me.
"On the first night I got there, we just had some drinks and he refrained from doing anything to me except making some jokes about my figure"
She nods.
"The next day after we opened presents , my mom went out hoping to find my homeless brother Mason so I was left alone with him"
"I want you to close your eyes maya"
"Why?"
"It's that you can put yourself back in the situation so then you'll remember everything"
I nod and close my eyes
"I can't keep them closed."
"That's fine open them"
"He places his hand on my shoulder at first and then he went... under my shirt"
I say as tears appear in my eyes
"I've missed your breasts. He whispered in my ear."
I shoot up from my position and sit up.
"He took me into the bedroom and had sex- no he raped me and i thought that it was normal"
"You were brainwashed baby"
Carina tells me.
"I fought for a while but then i just gave up and went to my happy place"
"What is your happy place maya?"
"I think about dying and then I am calm and it soothes me."
Carina's hand stiffens again.
"Are you going to try to kill yourself again Maya?"
"I don't know."
I shrug
"If you have any suicidal thoughts, please tell me baby or even call Diane or Katharine?"
"I will but I don't want to bother you."
"How often do you have those thoughts Maya?"
Katharine questions
"Every day"
She nods and writes it down.
"You have to tell Carina."
Katharine says before we leave.
"Okay thanks Katharine"
We leave and I drink a can of coke once I get home.
We have dinner and I eat it.
She does a happy dance and we dance together.
We go to bed and we pet the cats until we both fall asleep.