The War General

43

"How do you feel?"

I smile pulling the hem my dress just above my ankles. "I'm ok."

"Do you miss him?"

"Of course I do." I say walking around in circles enjoying the rays of the hot beaming sun and the dirt between my toes. I sigh pausing to look at my grandmother who had a teacup in her hand. She sat in a chair just a little ways from me watching me intently. She looked so happy next to Papa Hart who stood leaning against the back of it.

We were in a meadow full of different flowers, their hues of of purple, blue and white ranged from the darkest of their shade to the lightest. Butterflies filled the air, their wings fluttering against the light wind while soft puffy like clouds covered parts of the sky. "Why am I here again?" I ask my grandmother as I begin walking in circles again.

"You had nothing left to give."

"I gave it my all didn't I?" I smile softly thinking back on my life. "I didn't think it would end this way."

"There were so many possibilities of how it could of ended... in fire, up in flames or in peace. You've reined peace upon of the earth." My grandmother says kindly.

"You should be proud of yourself. If it wasn't for your sacrifice man would be no more." Papa Hart says his voice filled with unfiltered emotion. It made me happy.

"How long have I been here again?" I ask contently.

"Time doesn't exist here sweetheart."

"Oh." I frown staring down at my dirt covered toes. "Can I go back?"

"Whenever you're ready." Grandma says standing up from her chair. Grandma Eden looked so much healthier now, her skin was glowing, her hair was fuller. She wasn't sick anymore, that had all passed, she was no longer in pain. She wasn't dying from cancer anymore.

"How will I know when I'm ready?"

"You will feel it." Grandma Eden says once she reaches me. She places a hand on my cheek forcing me to tilt my head up to look at her face. Those soft brown eyes pierced my own and I am left with a feeling of joy, peace and everlasting love.

"I don't think I'll ever be ready to go back." I admit, my words soft and unsure. Lifting my hand I grab grandma Eden's wrist and give it a gentle squeeze.

"The longer you wait the harder it will be to return, the chances are dwindling and waiting will eventually turn into forever."

"But I like being here." I say looking around the meadow. It was so beautiful, so unlike anything I had ever seen on earth.

"Shyra gave her life to you." Papa Hart says. "Don't let it be for nothing."

"I never wanted her to give her life to me, she sacrificed herself for someone that's not even sure she wants to come back."

"A sacrifice that needed to be made. You have children, a husband and friends waiting for you."

"My husband thought I needed to be saved. What if he never really loved me like I loved him. What if he was just giving me things, words, emotions, feelings because he felt obligated too. I don't want to go back I don't want to hurt anymore. He made me feel safe but I feel nothing here." I look back at my grandmother and then my grandfather with a small smile. "I like feeling nothing, it's feels better this way."

When neither of the two speak I continue. "I don't want to hurt, to be scared or to feel unsure. I'm fine here, Juko and my children will be ok there. There's no doubt in my mind that I will see them again. Maybe not today or tomorrow but I will see them again and that's something I will be ok knowing."