Only You

26 ~ Failed attempt

C L E O

⚠️ Warning ⚠️
(This chapter contains depression and a suicide attempt if you feel this way please talk to someone and don't be afraid you are not alone)

Leaving my house I planned on going to see Ivy but when I got here she didn't answer so I looked through her window to see if she was home.

I felt like a creep but I couldn't look away Alex and her together looked so perfect.

The way he touched her.

The way he kissed her.

The way he held her.

Why didn't I get that? Why did Nate do this?

Something was wrong with me. I couldn't be happy for ivy because I wasn't happy I tried so hard but I always seem to compare us.

And them.

Fuck why can't I just be happy?

Now I'm driving away crying and overthinking my life and how it turned out.

I want to forget or just maybe... I can make it stop.

Henry. I should go to him, he's young but as a friendless delinquent he gets this feeling. He takes drugs. Maybe I can too.

I wipe my face before I go into the building but I probably still look like a mess.

"Can I see Henry? Is he here?"

"He is in room 10." The old lady resumes doing her nails not even sparing me a glance.

This place sucks there's only a few rooms and there's a bunch of junk laying around. I swear I saw some dirty underwear on the floor. No wonder people call this place a drug house.

The first thing I smell when I walk into his room is cigarettes.

"Henry? It's Cleo, ivy's friend." I call out looking around. His room was empty with just a boring grey bed in the middle of the room.

"Oh hey what are you doing here?" Henry comes from his closet. That's a little weird but then I see the small paper bag in his hand.

"I need something.." I say awkwardly eyeing his bag just so I don't have to say it.

"Something? What like sex because you know I'm underage." Was that supposed to be a joke?

"What no of course not. I just heard you have some you know stuff to help calm someone down."

"Oh you mean weed or drugs?" He asks like it's the most casual thing in the world. This is very different then the previous encounters we have had.

Ivy always saw him as this innocent kid but he has so many layers under the surface.

"Well I need something strong so drugs. Anything you have I can pay you."

He looks at me carefully. Judging me.

"Sorry but I don't sell drugs or weed."

"What but I thought.." I try to explain but I'm at a loss for words. He has to be lying.

"You probably think I do just because I live here and I don't have the best life but do you think I would still be living in this dump if I sold expensive drugs?" He looked almost angry that I would suggest such a thing.

I can't speak. I'm disappointed in myself but I don't really care about his feelings I just need to get rid of this depression.

"Get out!" He threatens me but when I still don't move he yells.

"Get the fuck out!"

Here comes the tears again and I rush out of there before he gets physical.

I can't think I just run.

Breath. No I can't breathe.

I slow down and try to breathe. It's so hard why can't I just let it go?

Nate is gone yet the fear is still there and the guilt is there from what I did.

He deserved it but does that mean I deserve everything he did and everything I'm going through right now.

I don't deserve to feel love no one could love me. Nate was right.

Maybe it would be better if I wasn't here. Ivy would be completely happy and have a good life with Alex.

I'm just a burden to everyone.

Crying is the only thing that I can do. I don't realize where I am till I wipe my eyes.

I'm on a cliff over the ocean. It's sad but even my mind knows this is what I want.

Standing on this edge the painful truth is I can't love myself even before I had Nate. I'm realizing no one will love me not like Ivy has with Alex.

Now all I can see is this void of darkness.