Only You

36 ~ Putting you first

C L E O

Therapy was new to me, my mother never needed it.

why did I?

I killed my boyfriend.

That's not the only reason though.

I also depended on people. Ivy was my best friend but she didn't know that I tried to commit suicide all because I thought no one would love me.

My first step was to learn how to cope without anyone. It was hard but also liberating, I didn't worry about makeup or wearing the best outfit.

It was just me.

Ivy and I have lived with each other for to long. We learned to solve each other's problems and share them because that's what love was. But now we needed to open our hearts to other people.

In my house it was just me with my thoughts, by myself. My therapists words eco in my ears.

Just do the little things that make your day. Like coffee while watching the sun rinse, and doing yoga. They all help me in different ways.

It's good that I'm getting back to a schedule.

Don't get me wrong, I still get nightmares but it's become something livable.

I just hope ivy understands why I need my space, I have to learn to live and love myself.

I'm discovering myself. I have learned a lot of new recipes in my cookbook and I like to cook and try new foods. It's something I never had time for before but now I love it.

I mix in some more spices in the soup but my door bell rings before I can stir the pot.

I open the door reavling my mom, well this is a surprise.

"Mom I thought you left, what are you doing here?"

She assessed me from head to toe. Here comes the disappointment.

"I heard what happened and I rushed back home." She goes in to hug me but I step back.

"I don't understand. Why are you really here?" I don't trust my mom and if she's here to keep manipulating me I don't want her here.

"Honey, your my daughter. I'm here to see if your ok."

She hugs me and this time I let her.

If feels good to feel the warmth of someone's arms again.

"Thank you mom."

"I have been trying to get through."

She smiles playing with my hair.

"Don't worry, I'm here now and we can cry all you want."

I don't feel like crying at all.

I reach up to hug her again.

"All I want to do is spend time with you. Can we watch a movie together or something, I don't feel like talking."