Chaotically Organized

Dream

2022

It feels like it was all a dream, where I created a life where things were beyond what I could possibly have.
When I think of the moments, even the very first ones, it feels like I hadn't been there at all. The way we tip toed around each other, the promising smiles we shared while learning each other, the pancakes you made me before work, the logging roads where I jokingly asked if you were really just going to kill me, the gift you bought me because when you looked at it you thought of me, the way you gushed about my writings like they actually meant something to you, the way I wrote down things we did for myself to always remember, the hiding of your shirt underneath my pillow when I thought you left nothing behind which I didn't find because I delayed making my bed, the tilting of the rear-view mirror to watch my face, the tracing of your finger tip on my collarbone while driving, the laughter over the melting ice cream while challenging each other about how many bumps there were up that stupid logging road, the turning up of the song whenever you caught my eyes lingering on the song title, the way you planned spontaneous adventures for us to go on like the 'round about adventure' where we took lots of photos, the moment you admitted the song playlist was specifically made for me, the way you allowed me to lay and place my head on your lap while you drove and how you always played with my hair, the learning of sleds because I wanted to know about something you adored, the relaxation of just being in your shop with you while you worked on things, and the way you searched for my little letters with more excitement than anyone had ever shown me before.
It was a dream, where things were going too quickly. We were falling and we were laughing while doing so, assuming that at the bottom we'd both be fine.
The dream started to have cracks and all of a sudden, neither of us could seem to take grasp of it with our trembling hands.