Metanoia - Peter Pan OUAT

Chapter Thirty Five

Metanoia woke up right before dawn, her blue eyes looking terribly fatigued, rimmed with dark bags of exhaustion, and stinging due to her endless nights of tears shed before falling asleep, broken over the death of her dear friend. She rolled over in bed, facing her window, and she stared blankly at the early skies of dusk, a very faint blue merged with the darkness of the night it was before then. Her ears perked at the sound of birds chirping, already starting their day and making the girl look like a sloth. She grunted, and rolled the other way to stare at her door instead. A few seconds later of Metanoia gazing at her door, she decided to shut her eyes and try to force herself back to sleep. Of course, her body had other plans for her, and when she realised that there's no way she'd be able to rest anymore, she let out a loud, exasperated groan of frustration.

She proceeded to sluggishly haul herself out of bed, and glumly got ready for the day. As soon as she was fully dressed and her hair had been brushed, now damp after a shower, Metanoia walked like a zombie towards her door, and left her treehouse. Down her rickety ladder she went, but she stood immobile the moment her sharp vision landed on a boy's back, hunched by the put-out fire pit in the centre of their camp. She gulped anxiously, for she could tell that this was Jacob's back facing her, his head lowered between his arms, and his dark hair a complete mess on top of his head, as though he hadn't brushed it in days.

Shuddering in a pathetic attempt to be brave, Metanoia timidly shuffled forward, cautiously approaching him. It was only when she was about a foot away was she able to tell that his body was shaking, and he released very quiet sobs.

"Jacob." She softly called out, causing the boy to flinch, and refusing to face her. She saw him try to wipe his eyes with the sleeves of his coat, and Metanoia moved to the side so she could sit next to him.

Very gently, her hands latched onto his wrists, and Jacob's body went stiff. She slowly moved his knuckles away from his eyes, and she revealed how utterly bloodshot they were. He still refused to meet her eye, and his lower lip quivered. Wordlessly, Metanoia pulled him closer, until her arms could wrap themselves around him, and hug him to her chest. Jacob instantly cried, and Metanoia felt his tears soak her cloak, but she didn't mind. She needed a shoulder to cry on too, and she was glad she could be his. As his body violently racked against her grip, Metanoia found herself crying too as she softly whispered, "I know."

"I'm so sorry." He rasped in between sobs. "I'm so sorry I left you two alone."

Metanoia squeezed her eyes shut for just a mere moment, before she pulled herself away from Jacob, and firmly placed her hands on his shoulders. "Jacob, I told you to leave us and get help. And you did exactly that."

"I was too late." He gasped, the tears dropping down over the fabric of his pants. "I was too late, and now Jeremy's been murdered because I didn't run fast enough to alert Pan."

Metanoia shook her head profusely in denial. "No. You can't blame yourself for what happened, Jacob. You are not at fault - you never were."

"How can I not blame myself when I am still alive and my best friend is dead?" He asked harshly, glaring at her - though he wasn't vexed with the girl, he was livid with himself.

Metanoia gulped, feeling the lump in her throat quickly thicken and make it unbearable to breathe.

"How can I allow myself to be alive when he's been brutally ripped away from us, Metanoia?" He asked desperately, his eyes searching hers rapidly for an answer, but Metanoia didn't have one.

"I can't say that I know how, Jacob, because believe me, I blame myself for his death too." She admitted brokenly, blinking away her tears.

Jacob hesitantly placed his trembling hand over his on his shoulder, and lightly squeezed it before firmly stating, "You mustn't blame yourself for this, Metanoia. You've been through more than enough pain."