friday
jules's apartment 😌
9:30 am
~ jules pov
i woke up this morning feeling sadness. i didn't know why i was sad but then i realized it's coming back again. i've had depression for 3 years. ever since 6th grade. my mom she put me on the meds for it to 'help' but it never helped me i hated the feeling it made me feel. i was on and off of it. i would go on and have breakdowns randomly screaming and crying and even fighting people. my anger was so bad and it still is. i've been working on it. ever since my dad left and my brother died i've been the worst. i never told anybody. nobody but joey. at my most vulnerable time with him and he sat and understood me listened to me and told me everything was gonna be ok and that he's got me. he's told me he would protect me at all costs. that was when we were together. he's always been super sweet to me he was difference with me. he was rude to everyone else but when he was with me he was the sweetest person on earth. that's why i trusted him so much with my heart until he broke it. he had his problems too he had addiction he was fighting but i can't blame that on his actions he knew what he was doing. but to the present day today i'm getting that sadness again. i need my mom. i need hayley. but i took her to school she asked if i was ok i lied and she took my word. but then isabella noticed i wasn't ok and told me she was leaving school to see me during cheer.
it might be too late by then. i think i'm gonna relapse. i'm sitting on the floor of my kitchen staring at the alcohol cabinet. my phones off completely. just before i turned it off joey was texting. if i was ok. i'm fighting so hard not to grab a bottle. but i don't wanna keep feeling sad like this bro😔.
my fingers are digging deep in my arm right now. i feel my tears fighting to stay in my eyes. i feel like breaking down. i jump up and grab a bottle from my cabinet and i open it. i start chugging it as i'm breaking down in tears. i just kept drinking and drinking until everything was slowing down. i felt so good. i felt happy but i was crying too. i heard a knock.
"juli! it's joey! are you ok!?" joey panics
i'm just bawling i can't talk, "julianna i'm coming stay with me!" joey panics
he opens the door and runs over to me. he drops down to his knees, "oh shit no no no no no julianna no" joey says as he takes the wine bottle from me that's half empty it's about 36 oz i'm so drunk.
joey holds my head up so he can look at me in my eyes. i automatically stop crying when he looks at me, "why did you relapse? what's wrong?" joey asks calmly
i felt like crying again and i know he saw the tears build up in my eyes again. he just pulls me into a hug and holds me, "i'm here it's ok.. i'm here. i gotchu." joey says gently to me as he rubs my back.
i felt so safe and vulnerable around him. he eventually lets me go and grabs me water to drink and i drink it all he made me. i saw him tearing up a bit he tried to hide it but i caught him, "joseph.." i say softly
he looks at me. i wipe his tear, "i'm ok" i say softly
joey looks so sad he's fighting not to fully cry in front of me. i've always held him when he would cry. he's a softie. he was my soft boy. he just loves me and hated seeing me like this. it scares him and it hurts when i scare him, "talk to me what happened? is it the breakup?" joey asks calmly
i nod slowly, "my depression too.." i say softly
joey hesitates, "do you want me to call your mom? hayley? your dad? who do you need?" joey asks quickly
i place my hand on his cheek gently. we lock eyes, "i don't need anybody else in this whole world right now.. but you.." i say softly
he bats his eyes, "then you got me. i'm here." joey says softly. i felt like crying again.
