saturday
📍jayden's apartment 😌
11:00 am
~ jayden pov
we got back to la at 1am but didn't get to my apartment until 2. jules eli and i were knocked out tho on the plane. when we got here we told her family bye and we went off. last night jules was being a lil weird. she asked me if i wanted her to sleep with me in my bed or not. i was confused why she would even ask that.
i asked her if she was joking and she chuckles nervously and was like yeah. but i didn't feel like she was joking. she got in bed with me and i could feel she wasn't asleep. i had rolled over to look at her and see if she is. she was awake just staring at the ceiling.
i had asked her what's wrong. but she didn't respond. instead she said she was gonna go to sleep. and she rolled over putting her back to me. i kept thinking about what could be wrong. i thought this is what she wanted. i thought she wanted this all along. i eventually went to sleep after 20 minutes of overthinking.
but what made it weirder was when i woke up this morning she wasn't in bed with me. she was downstairs sitting at the counter on her laptop. i'm walking down there right now. eli is still asleep at the moment. i know he'll be up in a minute.
i get downstairs and jules sees me. i had already brushed my teeth and cleaned my face, "goodmorning" jules says
i just walk into the kitchen area and start grabbing fruit to make a yogurt bowl, "you don't have to make breakfast i can buy us breakfast" jules says
i raise my eyebrows, "no it's ok" i say
"it wasn't a choice" she says
i look at her and she smiles at me a little, "you've been being weird since i proposed" i say
i saw her hesitate, "..it's not you it wasn't you i'm just battling shit mentally" she says
i drop the fruits on the counter, "you know you can talk to me jules. i'm your partner that's what i'm here for." i say
she lost eye contact, "i can't.. if i tell you what my mind is telling me you'd go insane." she says gently
"you won't tell me anything jules" i say
"it's better you don't know you aren't built for this" she says
i face palm, "how are you gonna tell me what i'm built for now?" i ask
"you're not built for my life style jayde. everybody has told you this. i ruined your life and you let me." she says
i go over to her and grab her face, "well my beef is with you. i know you did. i'm not that stupid. but i won't ever agree to it when others tell me that. you and i both know you fucked up everything for me." i say in a serious tone
she looks so nonchalant right now, "so why are you still here?" she asks gently
i let her go, "because you need someone who won't give up on you." i say
"jayde my mom-" she says until i cut her off
"shut up you and your mom have an on and off relationship every few weeks. and don't even say hayley you've fist fought her like 3 times AND she doesn't really fuck with who you fuck with." i say
she scrunches her eyebrows, "i've told you i was fucked up i'm the cause of it all." she says
"yeah no shit" i say sarcastically
"i never told you you had to stay i thought you would've been gone already" she says
"everytime i tried to get over you you stayed in contact with me and came back to me and we'd fuck and be back fucking with each other it was an endless loop i don't know why you think it's so easy to break suddenly." i say with a little attitude
