Joseph Quinn: Imagines

I Could Never Hate You | Joseph Quinn

TW-  ED (Eating Disorder)

It was early days in yours and Joe's relationship. You both lived close by with one another and would see each other whenever you both were free. You met via mutual friends and hit it off straight away.

Your first date, he took you bowling and to the cinema. He was sweet as ever. He helped you out bowling as you weren't the best.

"Let me show you how it's done." He stood with his hand on your back while the other one was holding the bowling ball. "Lift up the ball, swing back and release." He guided you as you followed his instructions. You released the ball and surprisingly got a strike. "Alright show-off!" You joked. He laughed and spun you into a cuddle.

Your phone rang. You saw the screen light up as Joe's name appeared.

"Hi darling, everything ok?" You ask him. "Yeah. I'm free the rest of the day and was wondering if you would like to come over so I can cook you a meal?" Your heart began beating out of control. "Darling? You there?" He questioned your silence. "Um, yeah sure. I'd love to." You didn't want to let him down so you accepted his offer. "Great, I'll see you around 4:30pm?" He was excited that he can get to cook you a meal. He wanted to show off his skills. "Yeah, I'll see you soon. Bye."

Why did I accept? He's gonna see me this way and he won't like me. I've fucked up our relationship.

For the rest of the time, you were panicking about Joe finding out about your eating disorder. You put on an outfit and did a light makeup look. The time reached 4pm and it was time to leave the house. You paced around the house just before leaving, hoping things would turn out ok.

You seemed to be away with your thought and didn't realise you'd reached his place so fast. You knocked on the door and waited for him to answer.

"Hi, my love. You look beautiful as ever." He brought you in for a hug before leaving a short but sweet kiss. He chose to wear a smart shirt and trousers, along with a pair of his grandad's polished shoes. This man looked dreamy as ever.

You followed him into the kitchen where you saw all the food prepared, waiting to be cooked. "Would you like a glass of anything?" He pointed to his selection of wines and spirits. "Red wine please." He picked up a glass and poured the wine. "There you go, sweetheart." You took a sip and watched him start cooking.

You saw the concentration on his face while cooking. His tongue would poke out a little making you giggle. "Am I amusing you?" He asked with a smile. "Your tongue keeps poking out. It's kinda cute actually."

He placed down the wooden spoon and walked over to you. "I'm cute now?" Joe buried his face into your neck and cuddled you. "Joe, behave." You chuckled as he left goosebumps on your skin before pulling away. "You, my love, are the cute one." He gave a peck on the lips before returning to cooking.

"It shouldn't be too long before we eat." Joe said. You'd forgotten about eating in front of Joe until he mentioned it. A frown appeared on your face as you tried to distract yourself.

"Would you like me to set the table up?" You asked. "Yeah, cutlery is in this drawer." He pointed towards it. You set the table up as he started playing the food. He brought the bottle of wine to the table and served the food.

"Dig in, darling." He looked so pleased with himself that he managed to cook a meal for someone special. You stared at the plate of delicious looking food, too scared to move the knife and fork. Joe tucked into his food and looked up at you, noticing you hadn't touched it yet.

"Something the matter?" His facial expression changed from happy, thinking he'd annoyed you. "No, I'm good. I'm-just appreciating the effort you've put in." Although you thought it was sweet of Joe to put in all this effort, that wasn't the issue.

I'm gonna have to do it. He can't know. Just pick up the knife and fork. You can throw it back up later.

You hands were shaking a little as you picked up the cutlery. You took a small bite from the food. It tasted amazing but you struggled to swallow it. "It-it tastes delicious, darling. Thank you." He smiled in response but still knew something was up.

He made small talk, while you only gave one or two word responses. You struggled to keep eating, wanting to leave and cry away from all problems. Your face turned red from feeling embarrassed and thinking Joe would hate you. You ate half the food by the time Joe had finished.

"Are you ok, Y/N? You're not your usual self tonight. You've barely touched your food and eating rather slow. Is it not nice?" He showed disappointment. You looked up at him as his face wasn't too happy. That was enough to make you cry.

Great, I've hurt his feelings. He hates me.

You darted for the bathroom, wanting to be sick and leave before Joe could hate you even more. His eyebrows furrowed in a puzzling manner as he watched you run off.

Before you made it to the bathroom, you were already crying. You slammed the door shut and immediately threw up all the food you ate. You felt defeated. Not wanting to move. As it all came back out, you curled yourself up and sobbed. You hated yourself for hurting Joe and for giving up.

Joe faintly knocked on the door, but you never heard. He walked in slowly, to see you sat there hunched over, crying your heart out. This sight broke his heart. He crouched down in front of you as his hand gently touched your back to calm you down.

Feeling Joe's hand made you shiver. "I-I'm so sorry, Joe. I've let you down." You sobbed aloud, scared of what his response would be. "Don't be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong. This isn't like you." He looked up and saw the sick in the toilet. "Did you not like my cooking and were scared to tell me?" You shook your head. He pried your head away from your hands and legs so he could see your face. "Y/N, just tell m-" "You'll hate me, Joe. You'll hate me." You cut him off.

"Please just tell me. I'll never hate you."

"I hav- have bulimia." It was like the too went silent as you waited for his response. His removed his hand from your back, causing you to flinch. You were scared to look at his face, knowing he'd be angry.

Joe grabbed you and pulled you in for a big hug. "Oh, darling." His voice was soft and calming. "I'm sorry. I know you hate me and wanna leave me and I don't blame you." His grip got tighter as your sobs got louder. "I hate myself for it."

He left kisses anywhere he could. "I could never hate you. I'm not gonna leave you, especially in this state Y/N. I'll help you as much as I can. I promise." He slowly rocked you and hushed, hoping it would help. "Why don't you hate me?" Everyone else seems to." He couldn't think of a valid reason why he should hate you, or anyone for that matter. "I'm not everyone and you're hurting. We're in this together. You're my girl, Y/N."

Feeling safe in his arms, you turn and face him. Your tear stained, rosy cheeks could finally breathe after what felt like suffocation. "You're still my beautiful, sweet darling. I don't care whatever is happening in that little mind of yours, you can tell me anything and I won't judge." You managed to smile a little at his words. His lips leaving a little wet latch of saliva across your forehead. "I'm sorry I ruined tonight. The food was amazing, I wasn't lying when I said that." You buried your head into his chest. "You haven't ruined tonight, darling. It's only..." he looked at the time on his watch. "6:15pm. There's still oently of time to have fun." He continued.

You moved your head and kissed him on his soft lips. "Thank you. For being nice and caring and understanding." He gave you a smile that made your heart melt. His face was relaxed and he seemed happy. "Don't thank me. We're together, it's my job to care for you. Now how about we do something. Go for a walk, watch a movie..." "A movie, please." He placed another kiss on your head before agreeing.

"Come on, I'll let you pick the movie." He stood up and helped you up before taking your hand and walking you to the living room. He grabbed a few snacks, in case you wanted any and felt comfortable doing so as well as some blankets.

"I love you, Y/N." He said, looking in your eyes. "I mean it. I do." His serious face showed you he was being genuine. "I love you, Joe." You shared a kiss that felt like heaven before settling down to watch the movie.