✮ Tmf incorrect quotes ✮

Innocent quotes 22

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hailey: Can you recommend a book that'll make me cry?
Milly: General Mathematics 8th Grade Edition.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?
Milly: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*
Milly:
Milly: It's perfume.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Drew: Please pray for Henry.
Liam: What happened to them?
Drew: Nothing, they're just very stupid.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake: We're having a moment, aren't we?
Zander: If by 'a moment' you mean me not wanting to strangle you for the first time since we met, then I guess we are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke: What are you drinking?
Zander: Vodka.
Luke: Straight?
Zander: No, gay. Why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Liam: Henry! Have you no dignity?
Hen: Of course not! How long have we known eachother?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake: So, are you two dating now?
Zander & Luke: Yes.
Jake: Why?
Zander: I happen to find Luke very appealing.
Jake: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Luke.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake: Zander gave me a get better soon card.
Daisy: That's sweet!
Jake: I wasn't sick, they just think I can do better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Henry: Don't have a bookmark? Try ketchup instead!!
Liam: What makes you think I read?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Milly: If you water water, it grows.
Zander: ...What.
Hailey: They've got a point.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks.
Zander: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hailey, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?
Zander: They're golden retrievers. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*at a zoo*
Jake: What are they in for?
Hailey: Jake, this isn't prison.
Jake: So they can leave?
Hailey: No, but-
Jake, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake, pointing to Drew and Henry: Distract them! I'll be right back! *leaves*
Zander: Okay!
*five minutes later*
Jake: *returns and sees Drew and Henry unconscious on the ground* What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out!
Zander: There's just no pleasing you sometimes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke: I know this isn't going to end well and I don't care. So don't you try and stop me, Zander!
Zander: I wasn't stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Luke: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Jake's birthday invitations.
Zander: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Luke: "Jake's birthday".
Zander: So, what do they say instead?
Luke: "Jake's bi".
Zander:
Zander: Works out either way.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hailey: How high are you?
Zander: Mm, I don't know how to say it in feet.
Luke: No, she's asking what drugs are you on.
Zander: Oh, antidepressants, why?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Milly:  Hand me the people opener.
Luke: ...
Luke: Pardon?
Milly, annoyed: The people opener! Just hand it to me!
Luke, stressed: WHAT THE FUCK IS A PEOPLE OPENER?
Milly: How do you not know what a people opener is? Its pointy- you know? With a handle?
Luke: Knife. It's called a knife.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elliot: If I say I love you, will you say it back?
Milly: Yes.
Elliot: I love you.
Milly: It back.
*Later*
Daisy: Why is Elliot crying face-down on the floor?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Seán: No... well, their slowness.
Jake: Their weaknesss is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Jake: Now I have a plan.
Jake: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zander: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.
Sadie: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hailey: Zander, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?
Zander: Jake, Hailey wants you to get out of the house.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Zander: I hate Jake.
Luke: "Hate" is a strong word.
Zander: I have strong opinions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake, dramatically: They called me a fool.
Zander, sick of Jake's shit: They weren't wrong.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Seán: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.
Milly: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.
Hailey: A realist sees a freight train.
Zander: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake: I couldn't do this without you, Zander.
Zander: Sure you could. Not as stylishly, of course.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jake: The Ocean is a soup.
Zander:
Zander: Do elaborate.
Jake: What are needed for something to be a soup?
Zander: Erm... Water, salt, some form of vegetation, and personally I prefer some meat in mine. 
Jake: *Tilts head*
Zander: The Ocean is a Soup.
Jake: The Ocean is a Soup.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~