VILLAINESS [TWD]

➴46

I didn't go to the group meeting. I didn't want to hear Rick try and defend their sick plan.

I didn't even want to think about it.

I could tell Carl was the same way because we both found each other outside at the water.

"Kinda still smells like gas," I comment.

"Probably will for awhile," he agrees.

"Last time I saw a fire that big.. You were setting my childhood farm on fire."

"Yeah.. Sorry about that.."

"Oh, sure. You apologize years after it happened. Thanks, dude."

Carl snickers and bumps his shoulder into mine.

"Are you going?" he wonders.

"I'm going crazy," I agree.

"Not what I meant."

"I know what you meant. I thought we had a mutual agreement to not talk about it."

Carl sighs and pulls his knees up, resting his arms on his legs.

The Hilltop, Jesus' home (the guy that I still hadn't met), was overtaken by another group called 'The Saviors'.

It was Daryl's idea to fight the Saviors and make a trade system with Hilltop.

But, it landed on mom to make the deal happen. I could tell she hated it. I overheard her and Glenn just last night. She was telling him that she was afraid of what this fight will cost and she felt like she was to blame for it all happening.

Rick is the one who pushed her to talk to Hilltop's leader. Daryl had the idea. She was pretty much manipulated into the ordeal and I hated that she was having to deal with that weight on her shoulders.

"Your mom was still going when she was pregnant with Judith," I recall. "Fighting walkers.. Shooting guns.. Handling things."

"Yeah.. Why?"

I sigh and rest my chin in the palm of my hand. The water in front of us ripples and my eyes follow the motion caused by the breeze.

"There's a baby doctor at Hilltop. Mom brought back an ultrasound of the baby. She and Glenn got to hear the heartbeat. She said that if I go to Hilltop with them, I can watch, too. But, she gave me.."

I pause and reach to my pocket. I had the ultrasound picture stashed there. I wasn't able to let go of it. Every time I saw it, I felt a ripple in my chest like the water. Proud. Excited. Nervous.

I hand the picture to Carl and he smiles a bit as he looks at it.

"We've lost so much.. It feels weird to gain something. But.. My mom thinks that all this Savior stuff is gonna cost us. I can't afford losing anything else. Not like before."

"My mom had a c-section with me. We knew it was a possibility it'd happen again.She was older than your mom. We lived on the road. Her and dad weren't on the best of terms.. I wasn't the best son. When it happened, your mom was there for me, her, and Judith.. I mean.. My mom didn't even know if Judith would make it. She didn't know if Judith was a boy or girl.."

Carl hands me back the ultrasound and pats my arm.

"Your mom is a strong, healthy, badass woman. She's gonna be just fine. The baby is gonna be fine."

I sigh and rest my head on his shoulder. He lays his chin on my head and we watch the water.

"I've never killed anyone," I admit.

"Can't say the same," Carl confesses.

"I don't.. I've never wanted to kill someone. The Go-" the name falls flat on my tongue. I shake it off and continue. "I didn't want to kill him. I didn't have the chance. I was too afraid of him, he did something horrible, and by time I found out, he was already dead."

My free hand goes to my chest, instinctively checking the scissors.

"That Dawn woman.. it all happened so fast. Daryl reacted quicker than I even understood what was happening- what had already happened."

Carl huffs. But, he listened so intently that it made me feel understood.

"When I found out that Glenn was out there with Nicholas.. I just knew that I wasn't ready to lose Glenn. I think part of me was.. I don't know.. anticipating? To kill Nicholas?"

A vehicle goes by- preparations for the attack.

"This plan makes me feel like we're becoming Woodbury. Waving a white flag and attacking behind their backs.. But, like my mom said, it wasn't her or my choice to do it. But, we have responsibility for each other- this group is family."

"Don't speak in riddles like Eugene, El. Just tell me what you're trying to," he jokes.

I scoff a laugh and punch his side playfully.

"I'm saying that if we knew each other before shit fell apart, you'd be in that barn because you're family."

"Who said I'd ever get bit?" Carl questions.

"All right, now you're getting cocky like your dad." 

I give him a side hug before standing.

"But, I've gotta take responsibility for family. My mom wants to keep guard jus outside the building in case anyone tries to get out. She shouldn't be alone- I should go with her since Glenn is going in."

"You sure?" Carl asks.

"No," I admit. "But, it's time to stop being dumb kids, right? I've gotta catch up to all the crazy shit you've pulled."

Carl laughs. "Be careful out there."

"Will do. You keep this palce safe- they're relying on you."