VILLAINESS [TWD]

➴104

"You can still come home, you know?"

I slide my dad's gun into the waistband of my jeans.

"Shaw is just upset over Pope.. Plus, we've lost so many other brothers.. You can talk this out. You're family," Brandon continues.

I pick up my bag and toss it around my shoulder. The scissors slip from the pocket and fall to the floor.

"El, you're still family. Don't do this. We love you. This isn't you. Don't forget that these are the people that kicked you out."

I pick up the scissors.

I wonder if this is how Beth felt before the trade at Grady.

Was she excited to come home? Was she expecting our faces to greet her? Did she know she was going to stab Dawn? Did she plan out her own death? 

I'd spent years trying to figure out what Beth meant in her final words. 'I get it now' kept me up at night for years.

I question if I was having Deja Vu. Or maybe I was seeing something through Beth's eyes.

"I get it now," I whisper to myself as a chill runs up my back.

"El?" Brandon asks.

"We ready to go?" Daryl asks, walking through the room.

I slide the scissors into my pocket.

"Gag him before we go. He won't shut his trap," Negan advises.

"Ellie?" Anna whispers.

I inhale sharply and look her in the eyes.

"You okay?" she asks, holding onto my arm.

My chest clenches.

"I'm good," I promise. "You?"

"I'm all right," she agrees.

I purse my lips as Anna's face and thoughts of her cloud the rest of my intrusively dangerous ones.

"I love you. And I'm sorry," I tell her.

"There's nothing to be sorry for. You never have to be sorry.. Not to me," she swears. "I love you. Now, let's go home, yeah?"

We walk outside as a group. Mom and Josh were helping Elijah, the boy from before, as he was on a crutch.

I try to think about the previous standoffs in our group's history.

Rick and Shane.

The Governor.

Those Terminus people.

Abraham and Rick.

Grady officers.

Beth and Dawn.

Glenn and Nicholas.

Negan.

The lineup.

I have never been in the absolute middle of a standoff.

There was the time in Grady that all guns seemed to be pointed at me, but we survived afterwards.

I killed Saviors.

I refused to look Negan in the eyes.

Gabriel and Rosita fought against me. I wasn't enough to end them when I was trying to kill Negan.

This, though.. This was so much more personal.

This was Leah and the Reapers.

Leah saved my life before even knowing who I was. I put her through hell with my recovery and relapses. She never lost faith in me.