𝖑𝖊𝖙𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖔 𝖗𝖎𝖈𝖐 𝖌𝖗𝖎𝖒𝖊𝖘

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I tap my pen on the table a few times before setting the tip on the paper to write.

"Dear Rick,

I haven't written a letter in a long time. The thought of writing seemed far-fetched. To be honest, I only ever wrote songs. Songs made me understand things better than writing a letter. Plus, the thought of letters now just makes me think of Carl.

I still have his letter. I'm sure you do, too.

Carl and I talked a lot about the old world. It's how we kept ourselves going a lot through the prison and such. He's the only person I felt okay with talking about my parent issues. My grief. My pain. My sadness.

We fought a lot. We fought like brother and sister.

The night he was bit, he tried to start a fight with me so I would leave Alexandria and not see him die.

He wanted me to leave and not carry more sadness with me. He didn't want me to carry the bad parts.

We argued about Negan. Carl told me that he thought Negan should be kept alive.

I find it hard to believe those words came out of his mouth.

I find it even harder to believe that you granted those wishes and actually kept Negan alive.

My family respected you, Rick.

My mom agreed to let me stay with you when we were arguing and she left because she knew you would never let anything happen to me.

My dad told me how you were a strong leader and he was grateful you showed up at our house. He prayed every night and specifically asked God to keep you, Lori, and Carl safe because you fought so hard to keep us safe.

Beth had a crush on you when we first met. She even wrote songs about you. She thought you were strong and charming. That you made her feel safe. You made her feel secure.

Glenn followed in your footsteps and became a leader on his own. He always told me about a story when you first met- that you put him in charge and he had never had that before. He told me that you gave him the confidence to be a leader when we needed him.

My grandfather thought the world and all of you. He saw you as a son. I know you saw him as a father. I know that losing him hurt you like it did me. I know that after losing him, you lost a piece of yourself.

It's just my mom and I left.

From the you that we knew back then, it's just you.

I'm sorry you lost Lori. I'm sorry you lost Carl.

I'm happy for you that you gained Judith. Michonne. I'm sure the baby on the way will bring you joy, too.

That's what I want to tell you.

But, I think you are trying to do what Carl did. Make me angry so when we lose you, it isn't as bad.

My grandfather used to tell me never to wish pain on anyone. Especially a pain so great that you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy.

The thing is, Rick, you aren't my worst enemy.

Instead, you're protecting my worst enemy.

Negan took Glenn away from my mom and me. And you're letting him breathe. Michonne told me that you hate what you took away from us by keeping him alive. That if Negan is gone, everyone that died during the war died for nothing. Carl died for nothing.

Don't you get it? Carl already died for nothing.

You're searching for a reason and meaning behind Carl's death, but there's nothing there.

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