"I don't understand.."
"Mom, I just need to clear my head and figure things out" Matt said, putting his bag down on the guest bed.
"What things?"
"Just things" Matt repeated, starting to unpack his bag. "I didn't come here to be questioned"
"Matt!" MaryLou said sternly. "You don't have to be rude. I'm trying to help you and I want to understand"
Matt sighed and stood in front of the bed, unable to look at his Mom.
"I don't understand it either, Mom. That's the problem"
MaryLou rested her hand on Matt's back and she encouraged him to turn around and face her.
His eyes met hers and he found a compassionate glimmer in them. He let himself relax as she reached out to hug him.
"Okay" She started, squeezing her son tight. It had been a long time since they'd been like this. "Okay. Stay here as long as you need"
MaryLou pulled back and sighed, looking into Matt's eyes. Matt noticed something in her eyes he'd never seen before. Sorrow. And not the kind that was directed towards him and what he was going through, this was a broadened sorrow. And Matt knew she felt sad for you too.
He sat down on the bed when she left the room, left alone with his unpacked bag and thoughts.
Matt knew he was in the wrong. But what was the right thing to do? He's supposedly with the girl he can't remember and he could only remember the girl he was no longer with. Nicole was what his mind and his heart knows.
You on the other hand, was a stranger. He was told otherwise by people around him, but it wasn't there for him. He felt like he had disappointed everyone around him, unable to get back to normality. He hated the fact he was hurting you. What you said was true and he never disagreed. You were waiting for him to catch-up and he hadn't.
Kelsey was right too. It was selfish. The short moments you had together during the week, having dinner, relaxing on the couch, it felt easy. Even though he knew you really wanted him to remember, there was never any pressure from you to do so. You put yourself and your desire to get the Matt she knows aside, so he could heal.
Your thoughtfulness was part of the reason he stayed. He wanted to return the kindness, but he couldn't. The memories weren't there. Photos didn't help. Stories didn't help. As fun as Chris claimed you were, it scared Matt because he didn't know what would happen if he didn't like who he was with you.
What if his brain caused him to no longer want to be with you, the person he'd been with for supposedly two years? What if he can't be the person you want him to become again? Matt only knew how to be who he was before he met you. The Matt that was with Nicole.
Matt sighed and fell backwards on the bed.
Why did he fell instinct to kiss you? And why was he full of guilt afterwards?
~
As comfortable as Matt was with Nicole recently, he tossed and turned all night, full of anxiety. He knew he had to figure things out now, so there was a deeper meaning behind meeting up with her.
He played with his rings as he sat in the reception of Nicole's workplace.
A particular voice caught Matt's attention when he heard Nicole talking to co workers, heading towards the glass doors.
"Matt?" She asked, looking back and forth between her co workers and Matt.
"Hey" he stood up and Nicole said goodbye to the co workers. As she turned around, Matt leaned in to give her a simple kiss on the cheek.
