"You don't need to do that" MaryLou said from behind you and you flinched, nearly dropping the plate. You got lost in your thoughts as you looked out the window.
"You cooked it, it's the least I could do" She said. MaryLou grabbed a rag and started drying the dishes. Justin was keeping your son occupied in the next room and you could hear them laughing. You sighed, wiping your hands on the towel. You weren't doing too well, Grayson was having a hard time without Matt around, causing a messed up sleep schedule and tantrums.
"How are you doing?"
You thought about lying. You didn't need anyone worrying about you and you didn't need people thinking you couldn't look after your own child on your own.
You knew Matt felt guilty for not being there, but you would never force him to stop doing what he loves. Despite him being away, you never felt like he was far. You kept him involved as much as possible with pictures and daily updates.
"It's tough" you admitted. "But it's getting better, no need to worry"
"I can't help it"
You noticed the sun setting below the line of trees in the yard and sighed.
"We should probably go" you mumbled, slipping into the next room. Despite how tired you were, you couldn't help but smile at your son, who smiled up at you.
"Time to go, buddy" Grayson kicked his legs, almost losing his balance. He was too confident like his father, he just started sitting up by himself.
"Are you okay to drive, sweetheart?" MaryLou asked from behind you. You smiled at her protectiveness.
"We'll be okay, it's just a few minutes away"
You and Matt lived twenty minutes away from his parents, which has been helpful when you needed to sleep and MaryLou was happy to help. You didn't do it often because you felt like it was taking advantage of your mother in law.
"You're welcome to stay here. I've got plenty of room" She tried to convince one last time. As much as you appreciated it, you didn't want to impose and you were sure she didn't want to listen to a fussy baby.
You put the coat on Grayson. "I know, I don't want to intrude" you told her. "Besides, Grayson sleeps in our bed and you need all the sleep you can get" you tickled your son's belly, making him laugh. Once she was strapped in her car seat, he stretched.
"I worry about you" She sighed, kneeling next to you.
"No need to worry" you smiled. MaryLou tucked the blanket under Grayson's legs. It's the same blanket Matt had when he was a baby. You stood up and picked up the car seat.
"Call me when you get home?"
"I will" you kissed her cheek.
When you were settled in the car, MaryLou stayed outside her house until you were safely on the road. You were so thankful to have her there if you needed her.
It was a clear night, with no wind or rain. You stopped at a red light, the brakes squeaking slightly. You stayed there, feeling your eyes burn from being tired.
"Da, da" Grayson mumbled. You reached behind you, barely able to reach to grab his fingers.
"I know, buddy" you sighed. "I miss daddy too"
You never considered how fragile life was until you met Matt. In the sense, your goals, view on life and your priorities shifted when you met him. He was your influence and you were willing to go through hell for him.
It took all of five seconds for your life to change, for better or for worse.
There were dozens of events that build you up and push you towards a moment that will change your life. Every choice, every question, every sacrifice you ever made, will come together in due time.
