Struggle was not new to you.
Since quitting your job, you had all hands on deck. You were doing everything to be there for your kids when nobody else could be. It had been six months since the divorce and you were relying on odd jobs to help you pay the bills.
Grayson was a month old and Matt begged you countless times to come home, to bring the kids home and just..see. As much as you told yourself no, you found yourself in the home you and Matt once shared, sitting at the dining table.
"I think" you started. "I think this is best for both of us" You slid the folder across the table to him. He opened it up and his eyes widened.
"Divorce?" Matt asked shocked. "Babe, I-"
"Please, Matt" you begged, folding your hands in your lap and trying to avoid his gaze.
"Can you please look at me?" Your eyes made him weak, even after all this time. "Can I ask you something?" You nodded your head, trying your best not to cry. "Can we try? One last time?"
One last time meant a lot of different things, but it could mean endless possibilities. Were you giving up on him too easy? "What are you asking, Matt?"
Matt bit his lip. "I know I'm an asshole, but I promised you I wouldn't stop fighting for us" He moved next to you, grabbing your hand. "One last time. To prove I can do this. That I can love you the way you deserve"
Your brain went through every excuse you could before finally going with your heart. You couldn't speak, too afraid of letting him back in. One last chance could be the difference in your children growing up in different homes. One last chance could be having to go back into dating.
"Y/N?" Matt whispered, wiping the tears from your eyes. "Don't cry" He pulled you in for a hug. Your sniffling could be heard over his mumbling, before he pulled back. "I love you. I love the life we built together and I love the kids you gave me. You don't owe me anything-"
You shook your head. "Yes"
Matt furrowed his eyebrows. "Yes?"
You nodded, holding his hands. "One last chance"
The first step was going to marriage counselling and the second step was finding boundaries. The last step was the most dreaded. Tying up every loose end for everyone to move on, included Alice.
Alice was patient and she waited for you to come to her. She thought about what she would say if the time ever came. What happened between her and Matt that made every interaction they had before that so different.
When Alice was around, you were always there and Matt awkwardly made conversation, which made you bitter every time. You knew he meant well, but it hurt you to see how calm he was to even be in the same room as her.
You were lucky Jack had become so busy with work. Three months, Jack had been left in the dark. You knew how much it killed you to be the last one to know what was going on. So, you minded your business.
Today was like any other, Matt kissed your cheek and Madison's and Grayson's head, before leaving for work. You dropped the kids off at your Mom's and sat outside the house, waiting for Jack to leave for work, Lucy in tow.
You watched as they both walked down the street. Your nerves were shot and you wondered why you wanted to do this at all. You got out of the car and walked towards the house.
You rang the doorbell and saw a figure approaching the door. The door swung open, revealing Alice.
"Hey" she breathed out, shocked.
"Hi" she opened the door more to let you in. Alice knew why you were here, but she still felt awkward. You could be calm about this or go off the rails. You followed her into the living room. The same one where three months ago, you found out.
"How are things?" You shrugged, looking around the room. You couldn't look at Alice because you promised yourself you wouldn't cry.
"I came here for a reason" You finally spoke. You came here for a reason and even though it was tough, it was necessary. You needed to hear it from Alice if you ever wanted to fix your marriage.
Alice nodded, fiddling with her bracelets. She waited for you to throw insults at her.
"I wanted to talk to you, but I wanted to give you space to digest everything" Everything? The cheating? You were determined not to clap back. Alice wasn't the person you wanted to be. Nobody would blame you if you slapped her and vandalised her home.
"Okay" you deadpanned. "Start at the beginning"
"I was on the phone with Jack when I left your hotel room, two days before the wedding. He just found out he had a low sperm count" You nodded. "He wanted and kid and we couldn't adopt because we didn't have enough money. He wanted one so badly" She sniffed. "It put a toll on us. So I did what everyone does, I went to the hotel bar and when I saw they were closed, I walked to the closest bar. I didn't know Matt was going to be there" You nodded along, having a feeling you knew where this was going.
"He saw me crying at the bar and he tried to be there for me" She wasn't sobbing, but she had tears in her eyes. "I can't remember too much after that. Jack doesn't know and I'd appreciate you not telling him" She thought it'd be best to save the nitty gritty details.
That was it? You were speechless. "So you hooked up with my husband, two nights before my wedding, as my maid of honour, because you were sad?"
"I'm not proud of it, none of us are. We killed ourselves trying to protect you and-"
"Oh, you're a 'we' now?" You looked at her with wide eyes, the lump in your throat getting bigger. But you held back. Your fear of looking weak made you feel stupid.
"You know that's not how I meant it"
"How am I supposed to know anything anymore?" You snapped. "We were supposed to be best friends. Our daughters were supposed to be like sisters, Alice. Not actual fucking sisters!" The lump had grown bigger and now, your face was wet with fresh hot tears. "How could you do that to me? How could you look me in the eye afterwards?"
Every fake smile, every assuring word. It all meant nothing and while friendship was important to Alice, she put herself first. It was selfish of her to keep Lucy and put you through the torment. Her relationship with Jack was different, they both ended up with what they wanted.
"I'm so sorry" She moved her hand to yours. "Nothing will ever fix this, but I need you to know that I'm sorry. It's hard to sleep, eat, look in the mirror" You moved your hand away.
"Do you love him?"
"No" Alice said, shaking her head. "You will never ever have to worry about anything between us again, okay?" She grabbed your hand again.
You shook your head. "I want to believe that so bad" you mumbled. "I can't have you both, so I have to choose" Alice nodded, trying not to cry. "As much as I want to, I can't choose you over the father of my children"
