Waking up to the house again, completely empty. Firstly, you panicked, but then you noticed a note he left on the kitchen counter.
I love you so much
I've gone to talk to Laura, by the time you see this, I'll be at the cafe down the street, then I'll be on my way home.
I love you.
You reread the note for the fourth time. You sighed and tried to ignore the butterflies it gave you.
As you opened the fridge, you were surprised to see fruit, granola and yogurt with honey. The first time you stayed in Matt's apartment, he made you a similar meal. Then it became a routine breakfast.
Just like Matt, you noticed the relationship go downhill. Until now, you hadn't counted how many evenings you spent alone, only to wake up to him getting in bed beside you.
You tried to make sense of your thoughts. You said what you had to say last night. Matt had been forced to listen and you knew the roles would be reversed today.
You stayed seated at the kitchen table until Matt came home. You didn't get up to greet him. You didn't answer his hellos. You waited and watched as he sighed in relief when he saw you. Matt boiled the kettle and made two cups of tea, sitting one of the cups in front of you, before sitting down as well.
"I've things to say"
Matt studied your reaction and realising what a letdown he was, he checked for any sign in your eyes.
"I'm listening"
"I know that I've been terrible to you. I sent you to do things on your own and excluded you from my life. I let the both of us down"
Matt coughed.
"You were let down the minute I stopped being your partner. What you said was true. I do expect distance with my work but that can't mean that I do all of that at your expense. You shouldn't come second"
Matt wiped his eyes and you sniffled.
"You are the most important person in my life..And to know that" he coughed again, this time on a sob. "To know that I failed you breaks my heart"
"Matt-"
"No. I don't want your comfort. I don't deserve it. I was with Laura the night you came home"
Matt nodded at your surprise.
"I needed to talk. I really had the dates mixed up and I didn't remember you were coming home. I thought I was going crazy. So I went to see Laura and figure it would kill time. I'm so sorry"
You nodded slowly. Your head spun hearing he forgot you were coming home, but knowing he went to Laura's was a relief. But something didn't add up.
"You texted me that you were excited for me to come home, Matt"
"Because I thought that today was your arrival date. I got it mixed up"
Matt slowly offered his hand to you. You didn't know to take it or not, but slowly your fingers interlocked.
"Matt, you know that I love you. But I..I thought about it and I fear we've become two people that I don't want us to be"
"Me too"
"I don't want to be second best anymore" you began to sob. "I put you first all the time and you don't! I don't expect you to always have time for me..but yesterday it felt like I was realising the truth I hadn't seen before"
"That we're not really in a relationship anymore?"
You nodded.
"I get that" Matt tried to blink away his tears. "I let us lose each other..which is why I went to Laura and she said-"
"I don't want you to move out, Matt" you interrupted. Did he want to move out? Leave you?
"That's not what I'm saying" he gave you a small smile. "I went to tell her to lay off us a little. I pushed some dates back, we cancelled some premieres, VidCon and the podcast-"
"Matt!"
"We're going to leave the podcast for another month"
"Matt, you-"
"Because I've been stressed and busy. I haven't had peace for weeks, Y/N. I missed a vacation with you, I had to go to Laura to comfort me. And I forgot when my girlfriend came home, even though it's all I've been waiting for since you left"
You stroked his knuckles.
"You're the kindest guy"
Matt gave you a grateful smile.
"You set yourself up to be overwhelmed. You can't say no" you let out a small laugh. "I need to learn to. Until now, I never told you how let down I felt"
"You shouldn't have to. From now on, you'll never be second best again. Because you never were, you drove me to be the person I am today. You're my heart and my girl. I want to show that to you. If you aren't fed up with me already?"
"Never" you whispered. "I could never give up on you, Matt. You're so important to me"
