Seven months into your second pregnancy, you couldn't remember how you did it the first time. But because of the discomfort, Matt made it his mission to make your life as easy as possible.
"You're carrying our son. The least I can is get those cookies you like"
He was an angel and you had to stop yourself from crying from how much you loved him. He was perfect. You were trying your best to drive to Alice and Jack's without letting your tears take over. When you pulled up to the house, you waddled over to the side of the car to get Madison out.
Lucy was five years old and while Charlotte told you how jealous she was of Lucy being able to go to school, you knew Madison would be joining her soon. The girls saw each other a lot, but there excitement never died. Alice swung the door open so the four year old could get in.
You and Alice were best friends, but not as close as you were before she had Lucy. She became withdrawn, just enough that it didn't bother you.
"Oh my god!" Alice exclaimed. "Last night, Lucy asked us where babies came from. His face drained of all colour" She laughed, watching her daughter play in the trampoline.
"I'm thankful Madison hasn't gone through that phase yet" you dreaded the day your child would lose her childlike understanding of the world. When you turned back, the two girls were running towards you both.
"Mommy, can we have a snack?" Lucy asked. Alice sighed and helped you up so you could head into the kitchen. You truly had the life you always wanted, the one you and Alice talked about when you were kids.
"Do you have any birthmarks?" Lucy asked you and before you could answer, Alice jumped in.
"She's been interested in birthmarks lately" Alice chimed in.
"No, but Madison has one" you looked at your daughter, who was nodding along, eating her snack.
"I have one too!" Lucy piped up. "Want to see?"You nodded, watching the little girl roll up her trousers to reveal a birthmark on her knee. You swallowed, looking at it again.
"I have one like that too!"
For a minute, you thought you and your best friends daughter had the same birthmark. Until you looked at the two of them. You knew Madison looked like you, but she had some of Matt's features. She had a freckle on her face, just like Lucy. Then came the denial, you couldn't tell if you were sick from the realisation or the pregnancy.
"Are you okay? Do I need to call Matt?" The only face you wanted to see now was his, but at the same time, you didn't know if you could stomach the truth.
You felt stupid.
"I have to go" you mumbled. Alice told herself this was harmless. Something to do with the baby, if not, you would've said something. Alice swallowed the lump in her throat, looking at her friend who she betrayed in the worst way possible. It was her and Matt's secret and no matter how much it killed her, she couldn't let your life explode like that.
But it was too late.
"Madison, get your things, please" Madison didn't know what happened, but she knew her mother's was serious. There was nothing that could change her mind and Madison went into the backyard.
That's when Alice knew it was over. You saved face in front of the girls, but Alice felt the world crumble beneath her feet as someone she cared so much about, walked out, closing the door behind her.
You didn't remember getting home, but you remembered saying something to your mother when you dropped Madison off for the night. You parked the car and walked up to your house. You watched Matt in the kitchen, as if nothing in the world was wrong.
You closed your eyes and braced yourself for what was about to come.
You walked into the kitchen, Matt felt your presence and turned around. He waited for you to smile, but you didn't.
"Hey, baby. I didn't hear you come in" Matt furrowed his eyebrows at your blank stare. "How was the play date?" He asked, turning back around to the dinner he had planned.
"Good. Lucy's going through a phase, playing questions with everyone" You shrugged. "Asked me about a birthmark" Matt nodded, listening.
"Curious little one, isn't she?"
"Yeah, it's a tiny little thing"
"Oh?" Matt had no idea what to say.
"Looks a lot like yours, Matt"
Matt should have known. He should've known better than to try and keep it from you. He should've told you the minute he came back from her room, the minute Alice called him on the honeymoon. He had so many opportunities. He owed it to you. He turned to burner off.
"How many times?"
"Baby-" Matt started, but he was cut off by your voice.
"How many times, Matt?" You asked. Not a hint of emotion in your voice. He never heard you speak to anyone like this.
"Twice"
"Twice" you whispered, unable to understand the situation you just walked into. Jealousy seeped into your body, followed by rage. "Fucking twice"
"It was a mistake, Y/N. I-I don't know why, I can't justify it. I can only say I'm sorry" You promised yourself you wouldn't cry, but when you felt the first tear stream down your cheek, it beat into your pride.
"You don't know why? You did it just because?" You fumed. "When. When was it?" Matt looked away.
"Please don't ask me that" he pleaded, but you did the math in your math. The few minutes of silence allowed Matt to reflect on what he did and how terrible he felt.
"Our wedding?" You whimpered. "The night before we got married? When we swore to wait.." Matt's silence was enough confirmation. You couldn't hold it in anymore. "Why?"
"It was a mistake. And I'm so sorry. It tears me apart everyday. I don't know why it happened, please believe me" Your head shot up.
"You don't know why?" You knew if anything, he owed you an explanation. "You hooked up with her twice because you wanted to? Because you can't go without it? What the fuck is wrong with you?" Matt couldn't look you in the eye. He knew apologies couldn't fix what he did, let alone who he did it with. You left the kitchen as quickly as possible and he followed.
"Where are you going?" You stayed quiet as you walked up the stairs. "Y/N, stop it" Matt followed his pregnant wife into your daughters bedroom and his heart sank. "Don't" you started with things you knew Madison couldn't live without. Clothes and her stuffed teddy. Matt didn't know what to do. "Please don't take her away from me. I'm sorry" You walked right past him.
You knew you were hurting him and you weren't raised to be like this. In your shared room, you grabbed a sweater before going back downstairs. Matt stood in front of the front door, trying to look you in the eye as you looked at the handle behind him.
"Don't do this" He pleaded. "I'll get on my hands and knees. I'll sleep on the couch. I'll fight for us. Don't go. Please"
You stayed quiet. It wasn't supposed to be this way. You needed time.
As quickly as you could, you slipped out of his grasp, out the door and drove off before Matt could think to chase you down the street.
