Deadly love | Chacha

Make them stay

  ~Chapter 72~
Make them stay

Charlis POV:

Charli: "I think I was emotionally numb for a long time. I didn't care how my actions affected people, I didn't care if other people were suffering, I didn't care about anything. And I think I'm finally getting my emotions back and it feels like shit but at the same time it feels great."

Michelle: "I'm really glad you've made progress"

I am really glad too

Charli: "I never thought I'd say this but I think im okay. The drugs made my emotions numbed and I loved that because I didn't want to feel the sadness. Feeling sad was better then feeling nothing. At the time. But after awhile whats the point of anything? What's the point of a life without emotions?"

She smiled and nodded

Charli: "I feel good now. And I hate to say this but Chases surgery kinda made me feel better. It made me feel needed by him and I'm so used to me needing him."

Michelle: "why do you want to feel needed by him?"

I shrugged

Charli: "it feels nice to be needed by someone"
Michelle: "do you think you wanting to be needed by him has something to do with abandonment issues"

...

Charli: "Could be I suppose."
Michelle: "that's what I thought"

It makes me sound toxic

Michelle: "you think if he thinks he needs you, he can't leave you?"

That makes me sound so manipulative

Charli: "well yeah..."
Michelle: "it's okay to feel that. Is there anything on your mind lately that's been triggering those abandonment issues?"

Guess I might as well tell her. She's not aloud to tell anyone.

Charli: "my sisters pregnant. With Chases kid."

Her eyes widened for a split second. She thought I didn't notice. I did.

Michelle: "Oh. Okay. How does that make you feel?"

How does she think??

Charli: "like shit! It's unfair. First of all, how do you think chase would react if he found out he had an alive baby that was biologically his?"

He would be happy. He will probably be over the moon. A women who actually cares enough for her child not to drink or do drugs while she's pregnant?? Chases dream girl.

Michelle: "oh, so he doesn't know?"

I shook my head

Charli: "and I'm keeping it that way."
Michelle: "I don't think that's a good idea"

I don't care if it's not a good idea. I'm not fucking telling him. I don't care if it breaks our trust or whatever. I don't care. I'm not telling him.

Charli: "He will leave me if he finds out."
Michelle: "why do you think that?"

I don't think it. I know it.