Deadly love | Chacha

You're not alone

                      ~Chapter 14~
You're not alone

⚠️Mental illness⚠️
(Once again if you are triggered by this, specifically BPD, please consider skipping to the end of this chapter)

Charlis POV:
I can't do this I can't.

I cried into my pillow.
My whole body started shaking.

I can't be alone. Everyone's gonna leave me because of what I did with Chase.

I will be alone again.

I can't be alone. Not again.

I cried harder into my pillow

I was alone for all my childhood. I felt so alone and even though there were people around me, no one was truly with me. No one cared for me. And it took years to get people to love me and stay with me and I ruined it all.

Everyone will abandon me... chase already has... and now I'm left alone here every day...

I can't do it without him and I can't do it without Delilah.

I pushed everyone out. I did this to myself. My life was great but I had to ruin it. I'm gonna die alone.

the people I love are gonna leave me because I made a stupid mistake.
I didn't mean it. I don't want to hurt anyone.

I never meant to hurt anyone...

My nurse came into my room and saw me. Her eyes widened.

Nurse: "Charli. Charli. Please put the knife down"

Tears fell from my face as I slowly brought it away from my bleeding leg

Charli: "I wasn't gonna kill myself"

I wouldn't do that...

Charli: "I just... I needed to be punished..."

Maybe if I punished myself, I wouldn't feel as guilty...

Nurse: "hand me the pocket knife Charli. Please"

I wiped the tears from my face and handed it to her. She carefully took it from my hand it put it on the desk.

Nurse: "when's the last time you took your meds?"

I knew what meds she was talking about but I didn't want to answer her.

Nurse: "please tell me"

I took a deep breath and nodded trying to calm myself down.

Charli: "last week"

I stopped taking them... I forgot the morning after I kissed Chase and then I wanted to see if maybe I was getting better... maybe If I was better, I'd have a chance at a normal life...so I stopped taking them...

Nurse: "when's the last time you went to your therapy sessions?"

How do they know so much about me...

Charli: "before my cancer..."

I was too busy taking care of my cancer that I complete ruled out my bpd...

Nurse: "alright... I'm gonna have you committed to psych just until you're better... we will get that stitched up for you and you're gonna be okay"

I quickly shook my head

I can't be committed right now... I don't want anyone to know what I did.
No one can know.