ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜱᴏ ★ Acotar

Cₕₐₚₜₑᵣ ₅₈

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Azriel slid his hand on the back of her neck and pulled her closer to him as the feverishly kissed.

"I never really get to touch, can I? Can I touch you?" He wanted to touch all of her not only her face. "I've dreamed of this for years, please"

Instead of answering she took his hands and put them on her bum, as she stroked her fingers over his bare chest and toned stomach.

"I spend every minute I'm near you looking at you as much as I can, because I fear the next moment would be the last. Secretly drinking you in" he said in between kisses until Kallista sat and slowly pulled her nightdress away. She was only left in her undergarments with her breasts bare and Azriel's breath left his lungs.

The princess started moving back and forth on top of him, creating friction between them, and the only thing separated them were his pants and her undergarments.

They both breathed heavily as the pace increased. He grabbed her hips and squeezed them in his scarred hands as he groaned under her. She only watched him as the shadowsinger became undone by her, it satisfied her and a low moan escaped her lips.

Azriel thought her a goddess at that moment, the moonlight was shining behind her a glow appearing around her head like a halo, even though he thought her the most beautiful creature he had seen, he did not say it, the Illyrian knew of her abhorrent fear of the word, so he abstained from doing so even if he so desperately wanted to.

She clenched into his shoulders trying to move faster, Azriel sensed her climax coming and pulled her down to stamp his lips against her as he started too moving from under her.

Kallista gasped as the knot at the bottom of her belly finally became undone, she breathed heavily in the crook of his neck. The man under her gently caressed her back and as he turned his head to kiss her again she moved away.

Kallista got off from him and the bed, walking to her window and staring out, her breath was still a bit heavy but controllable, she touched her fingers to her lips that were red from their previous actions.

"We shouldn't have done that" she whispered but he heard her well, his shadows seemed to be saddened by her words by retreating themselves into him. "It was-"

"A mistake, I get it" she turned to him and it seemed like saying those words had gutted him to the very soul. She frowned, how dare he? How dare he be saddened by her words? When he had uttered words ten thousand times worst than she, when he had left her in her bed minutes after she had given herself to him, how dare he?

"Do you really? Do you really get why it is a mistake?" Kallista turned to him with narrowed eyes. "Because I feel like you don't really realize what you did, you think that the only thing yo I did was hurt my feelings and that the only thing you need to do is say sorry, it doesn't work that way, you  did not only hurt my feelings, you shattered my dreams with the words you said, do you remember them?-"

"I do, there's no need to repeat them" he stood from the bed with an angry frown.

"'I love you Kallista, but my heart does not belong to you' do you remover that, because I sure do" Kallista quoted angrily, she didn't know how this went from a sweet moment to her screaming at him. "And now you come here and explain that you said it because you thought you weren't enough, but you know what that sound like, LIES, all of them. You can say it now, why did you do it, Azriel?!"

"Stop it" he muttered and stalked towards her.

"Why did you do it?!" She screamed when he reached her and grabbed her by the arms . She gasped at the gentle yet strong grip on her arms. "Why did you do it? Tell me the truth!"

"Your brother" he muttered as soon as she asked him, a whisper so low she almost couldn't hear it but firmly as if he had the complete intention for her to hear it.

"What?" The princess stopped fighting in his grip and looked at him with wide eyes.

"Rhysand had told me, that my relationship with you was severing the ties with the night court and winter, I did not care for a while, but then the war started to get worst and I got worried, and then your brother came, not to Velaris but when I was getting off our last training session, he said that he knew what we had done and that if I didn't cut ties with you, he was going to cut ties with the night court and lock you inside that castle so I could never see you again, I thought he was bluffing at first so I didn't listen to him, but then you got locked up and I knew that what he said was real"

He looked at her for the first time since he started explaining, and saw the clear tear tracks that now marked her face. His hands moved to either side of her neck with his thumbs by her pointy ears.

"I had to break your heart to save you, but then you got trapped and you lost the baby and started hating me, which I didn't hate you for, you have to understand that I understand what I did and I should've ignored your brother, I should've taken you far away from here, safe, away from the war" his eyes were soft and vulnerable like she had never seen them before. "And I'm sorry, so unimaginably sorry, we could've had everything and I ruined it"

In all of the past days Kallusta didn't realized how it also affected Azriel, how deep he blamed himself for what had happened to his mate.

Finally. It was all she could think, she finally had the real reason why he had told her, she felt like something had cracked her chest open and freed all the dark in her, not completely but most of it.

"Why didn't you tell me? As soon as I came back you should've came, you should've told me" she grabbed his hands in hers.

"We both know if I would've done that you or your brother would've killed me in the spot" he looked at her amused and a small smile tugged at her lips. "I had to wait until you came to me, until you were ready but know that I never stopped thinking about you"

"My brother he-" she frowned and started thinking about him, hadn't he hurt her enough? First took away her mate and then exiled her from her home, she thought the world of her brother, she looked up at him, at his intelligence and kindness, or was he never kind?

"Let's forget about him, we lost so many years, let's get them back" he smiled at her and her blue eyes seemed to shine again for the first time since he had seen her again, and without thinking twice he kissed her, unlike the kissed from some minutes ago, this one was sweet and full of devotion.

And the bond was now golden and shinning.

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She speaks!
I think I've improved my smut writing skills, anyways yea that happened, I'm going to rewrite act 1 because I srsly don't like it.
THE GROVELING HASNT ENDED OKAY DONT KILL ME AND BESIDES MORE THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN because I'm an not an author if I don't make my characters suffer a bit more 🤭