Borrowed Time

Chapter Thirty Six

Getting ready with Esme in the mornings was a small thing that Juliette had decided she could never live without ever again. She liked watching how she took care of herself, how she did her makeup, how she would hum under her breath while doing her eyeliner... Everything she did when she was completely vulnerable, not trying to be someone for anyone, it made Juliette fall further in love with her. She was pretty sure she could fall for her forever without ever hitting the ground. Today, however, Esme had been silent the entire time they'd been getting ready, just watching Juliette move... If anyone else did that, it'd make her feel insecure, but she didn't mind it with Esme, but it was clear that she was worried about something... Which didn't make Juliette feel entirely secure.

"You know you don't have to go in today, right? Like, I'm sure your dad could get you excused for longer so you can rest." Esme said, looking at her with some concern. Juliette sighed and shook her head, spitting into the sink before she returned Esme's look. She didn't want to be lying around anymore, it gave her way too much time to think, and she didn't ever need to be alone with her thoughts for that long again.

"No. I don't want to be here resting, I want to be up and about." Esme sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist so she could pull them closer together. She leaned into her side and closed her eyes, breathing in the smell of her... God, she smelt so calming, the only way that Juliette would want to stay home today was if she was sleeping next to Esme, whispering about anything they could think of, feeling her fingers dance just slightly under the hem of her shirt... That was her idea of paradise.

"Why?" Juliette sighed and set down her toothbrush, running her fingers through her hair as she grimaced at the purplish bruise on her cheekbone... God, no amount of concealer in the world would cover that, so she wasn't even going to try.

"Mostly to prove to myself, mentally, that Samantha didn't take anything from me." That was true... She'd been feeling drained since the morning after her confrontation with Samantha, like all of the work she'd done to try to feel comfortable in herself had been torn away. She was the same terrified kid she'd been the whole time, the facade of confidence was just... Gone.

"What do you mean?" How did she even explain this? How did one explain the feeling that their soul was leaking out of their body through a crack in their subconscious that only a horrible fucking banshee woman could create? She could just say that... No. Juliette squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath.

"The look on her face when she pulled you to the floor, I've never seen someone look more coldhearted, and in that moment... I don't know... It felt like she took a part of my soul away from me because I couldn't help you." Her words rushed out of her mouth, and she felt Esme slide so she was standing behind her, letting her lean against her as she stroked her thumbs against the skin of Juliette's palms. It was... Oddly calming. Not a sensation she'd ever seek out on purpose, but it had its merit.

"Jules..." She sighed, pressing a kiss to the side of her head, just shy of the bandage. Juliette flinched away from the touch... Partly because it kind of hurt, and partly because she didn't always trust the integrity of the bandage, what if her blood leaked through? Still... her arms were so comforting. Juliette sighed and looked up, her breath catching at the soft way that Esme was looking at her... God, she was so perfect.

"So, this is a way of me taking my control back because this whole situation has made me feel so odd... Like, I know who I am. I know what I am... but I feel like I'm somebody else, like a stranger invaded my body..." The way she explained it didn't really seem to stick for Esme if the expression on her face was anything to go off of. She'd crinkled up her eyebrows, frowning slightly... It was very cute, but it was infuriating.