Borrowed Time

Chapter Fifty

Juliette was fairly certain that she was not a burden to Esme, and that if she were to ever say that she was, it would result in a long discussion about her value as a person and her personal value to Esme as her partner, but sometimes it felt like she was. Like, she wanted Esme to know that it was okay to not wait for her after practice, she had a thousand ways she could get home, she was sure that she had things she'd rather be doing than sitting in the school parking lot and waiting for her... It was a real waste of time.

Did she like driving with Esme? Of course, any time spent with her was some of the best of her life, but she didn't want her to think it was an expectation... She should tell her that, even as they were sitting comfortably in Esme's van, driving quietly, that she didn't have to do this.

"You know you don't have to give me a ride home, right? Like, if you'd prefer to be doing something else I am perfectly capable of driving home with Micheal, we get out of practice at roughly the same time unless they get held back for something." Her saying that seemed to bother Esme, but she wanted to give her an out. She didn't want her to feel like she was stuck doing this all the time. Eventually it might start to feel like a chore.

"I know, but unless I have work I really like to drive you... I like spending time with you, any time that I can." Esme said, and Juliette felt her heart flutter in her chest as she reached over, squeezing her hand. Every time she said something like that, it stuck with her... Honestly, thinking about it helped drown out her normal inner voice that seemed hellbent on the destruction of her self esteem.

"You're sweet." That earned her a small smile and a kiss to the back of her hand, two things that she cherished deeply... Two things that made her heart squeeze without Esme even trying. It was just a knee jerk reaction to the things she'd do.

"... Yeah. You make me kinder. Softer." What? She'd never been mean... At least not from what Juliette knew, she'd never talked to anyone who'd said she was... She could ask Emma, Penny and Tegan, but she was sure that they'd confirm her thoughts.

"You were already kind." Juliette reminded her, and Esme grimaced, shrugging... Did she not think she'd been nice before? Becky had confirmed that she was super kind... How many people had gotten into her head about this?

"I try to be kind now, it's like... I don't know, it's more, I can't explain it." Okay, that was fair... if she felt like she was internally making more of an effort, then she could understand that, but she wished that she could communicate that she was pretty sure that Esme was never malicious, even if she couldn't remember much about her.

"Got it." They drove quietly for a minute, and Juliette immediately found herself transfixed by the way that Esme's side profile looked when it was bathed in the golden of the afternoon sunlight... She looked ethereal, positively otherworldly, it took Juliette's breath away. "You know... I love your side profile... I think it's one of my favorite things about you." Esme looked at her, seeming to be a confused sort of flattered.

"Really?" Yeah. Really. There was just something so beautiful about it, something that made Juliette feel like her heart could fall out of her chest at any given moment and she wouldn't know how to put it back in. It'd just be bared to the world, and she was certain that Esme's name would be plastered across it.

"Yeah, I like your nose a lot." She said, watching a blush creep up Esme's neck at this... Cute.

"Thanks."

"I'm serious. I think it's beautiful... I think your whole face is beautiful, every feature works really well in tandem. You're just stunning. There's no other way to describe it, you're striking." She said, and Esme let out a little chuckle, shaking her head as she gripped the steering wheel harder for a moment, clearly suppressing her smile... Juliette couldn't imagine why, it was one of the most beautiful sights in the entire world. Why would she want to deprive the universe of its wonder?