Borrowed Time

Chapter 161

Juliette sort of missed the days when going to church made her feel calmer than anything else in the entire world, when religion and routine was something that she found solace in instead of finding stress and resentment... She wanted to love the institution that raised her, but it was getting harder and harder each and every time that she came to it...

It didn't help that she was helping in the daycare again, that didn't really do a lot to make her want to be there, but it was good exposure therapy to children, and she did have to admit that it had helped her hate children a little less.

That and spending time at Tegan's while hanging out with Benji... It was starting to make her think that she might actually want to have children... It was a wild thought, but she could imagine having them with Esme.  She sometimes found herself fantasizing about a quiet life, Esme tucked into her side with a kid on her stomach as she read something, or watching Esme play guitar and sing to their children...

It was something to think about, something far, far in the future... Right now she had to go deal with other people's spoiled children for an hour and a half and hope that she didn't smash her head open on the corner of a table to make it end.

She shifted in her seat as Esme turned into the parking lot, clearing her throat.  You didn't have to do this.

"You know you didn't have to give me a ride." She looked over to see Esme smiling at her as they parked the car, which didn't seem safe... Looking at the parking job seemed like a far better use of their time, but she hardly drove so maybe she was wrong. "Becky offered to pick me up, I hate making you late for rehearsal." She said, and Esme shrugged, cutting the wheel again as they worked their way into the spot.

A lot of work for something that you're gonna be pulling out of just as quick... She appreciated the careful way that Esme did things, but she didn't want them to waste their time on something that was so... Momentary?

Momentary.  That sounded right.

"They're all more than willing to wait." They pulled the parking brake, placing their hand on her thigh the second that they could, making her jump... She hadn't realized that they'd stopped touching her, but she liked that their touch had returned... She always missed it even if she sometimes forgot that it was gone, which sounded a little needy, but she couldn't help it... Esme was perfect, of course she wanted to feel her love's touch. "Plus... I wanted to check in." They said, making her blink... She wasn't sure what they were wanting to check in about, to her knowledge nothing had gone wrong recently.

Did they know something that she didn't?  It wouldn't be the first time, and she had no doubt that it would be the last... 

What don't I know?

"About?" She asked, and Esme sighed, drumming their free hand on the steering wheel as they pulled a knee up their chest, looking out the steering wheel... They'd been wanting to talk about something for a while, that was clear, and that did not make her feel better...

It actually made her feel like bile was rising in her throat because she really feared disappointing them... But maybe she was being paranoid, maybe that wasn't what it was at all...

Or maybe they were going to dump her in the church parking lot.  She grimaced, closing her eyes and bracing for the worst as Esme opened their mouth to speak.  Rip the band aid off, baby.

"Well, it's been a while since you've been to church, I figured some emotions might be making their way to the surface, and maybe you'd wanna talk about some of them before going in." They said, and Juliette paused, opening her eyes to look over at them as she felt her shoulders relax, something she hadn't even realized was tense as her heart warmed.