Borrowed Time

Chapter 120

Juliette was pretty sure that if her past self could know that she was excited to go hang out with a child that she would get crucified... But she liked being around Benji... He was like Tegan, but he communicated in a way that was familiar to her... It was how she'd communicated until she was five years old... Her mother had thought that she may never speak at all and then one day she said a word... The story went that her mother was preparing lunch and she'd held up a flower she picked and said 'flower' and her mom had agreed and then dropped the plate of food in her hands out of sheer shock...

Juliette couldn't imagine how strange it would be to hear her voice for the first time... She really couldn't remember much about that obviously, but she remembered the feeling that surrounded the memory... Anxiety and then happiness because her mother had been so surprised... It wasn't that she was relieved, she'd made sure to tell Juliette that while she was alive, she was mostly just shocked. Her love wouldn't have changed even if Juliette never spoke a single word.

Sometimes she still didn't... Sometimes she couldn't... But she felt safer with that now, going non-verbal no longer made her feel anxious about it happening, it was just something she accepted, it would occur sometimes and that would be fine.

She also liked how Tegan treated Benji... He didn't expect that Benji knew nothing, he didn't treat Benji any differently, and he let Benji communicate in his own way. It was nice to see it fostered that way, to understand that milestones looked different for everyone... The world needed more people like Tegan, more gentle caretakers and kind siblings... She hoped she could be that for her little brother when he was born, if she ever got to see him in the first place.

"What're you smiling at?" She asked, and Esme shrugged, reaching over to grip the collar of her shirt, pulling her into a soft kiss, one that made her heart race. Pulling me in by my shirt... God, that's not fair when we have somewhere to go... Her mind was no longer filled with the wholesome thoughts that it had had before, now it was just thinking about how Esme's fingers felt inside of her, which was not helpful right now.

"You're cute... I like that you're so excited to go to Tegan's." They said as they broke apart, and Juliette shrugged... Yeah, of course she was excited... As dysfunctional as the actual dynamic of Tegan's family was, it was quite nice to be around them, they made everything feel so much better... It felt like she was around another thing built out of love... Esme seemed to have many communities like that around them, it was nice.

"It's nice to be around a family... I mean, I like our family too, don't worry... They're just a fun group." She said hurriedly, noting Esme's confusion with part of what she'd said... Maybe she'd jumped the gun by calling what they had going a 'family', maybe that wasn't something that she was ever supposed to say out loud... She was just supposed to think about it.

"Our family?" They asked, and Juliette felt her heart drop and her cheeks burn as she looked down at her legs, picking at a loose string of her pants as she cleared her throat... Maybe she'd assumed a sort of intimacy with her staying mostly at Esme's that wasn't supposed to be there... Maybe their relationship wasn't that deep.

"You... Me... Gianna..." She didn't think of Esme as 'family'... She felt like Gianna treated her like she was her own child... Gianna sure as hell treated her better than her father did, and it made her feel at home. And she was so deeply in love with Esme that it wasn't a stretch to her to think that one day Gianna might be her mother in law... Was she moving a little quickly? Yeah. But it was true. "I don't know, it feels like home more than my own home." Juliette mumbled, not wanting to look up in case Esme was looking at her like she was some kind of freak. But she felt their hand under her chin, lifting her head so they could look at each other, warmth filling their eyes, a smile on their face... Her home.