Borrowed Time

Chapter Forty Three

For once, the daycare kids weren't total fucking nightmares... Aside from one that had put a sticky toy in her hand and then proceeded to sneeze all over her... Juliette was proud of herself for not punting a fucking child, because she'd really thought about. But it wasn't the child's fault, they were just clinically gross, they were built to be disgusting little germ factories.

She still wanted to take a fucking decontamination shower, but still... Now she wanted to get her mind off it... Asking Becky how her relationship or... Not relationship was going would be a nice start.

"So... Anything new happening with Savannah or did I accidentally completely shut that down for you?" Juliette asked, and Becky sighed, shaking her head as she sprayed down another of the sleeping mats, wiping them with her cloth a little aggressively... Okay, so she wanted to talk about it, that was good to know.

"Ugh, I don't even know... Things keep happening, but then we never talk about it again... it's frustrating." It sounded frustrating... It honestly sounded like how she'd made Esme feel at first, which made her feel guilty all over again...She should apologize when she got home tonight, it was their last night together until she went back home again anyway... Well, she'd be spending the night after their date on Saturday, but they'd still be apart... God, she sounded clingy. Back to Becky.

"That sounds frustrating. Have you told her how you feel?" She asked, and Becky nodded, giving her a pained look... Oh, this was really upsetting her, okay... She could feel it, it was so palpable. Honestly, part of her wished she could take it away, Becky didn't deserve to deal with it, she was too sweet for that.

"I've tried, but she just distracts me before I can say it." Oh. That would suck pretty bad, Juliette and Esme had gone through a period of similar... More Juliette had gone through a period of not being comfortable with Esme expressing her feelings towards her as anything more than a passing thing. She didn't want to understand Savannah's reasons, but she did. Deeply.

"Hm. Maybe she's scared of her own feelings." She offered, and Becky gave her a look, shaking her head as she folded up the last of the mats with a little more frustration than the other ones... Okay, fair. It might've felt like she was excusing Savannah's behavior, which hadn't been her intent but she could see how Becky had come to that conclusion.

"Yeah, I get that but it would be great if she could have her fears and not hurt me in the process... Because I like her so much that my chest hurts when I look at her... and I want her to look at me the same way but I don't know if she ever will." Fucking ow... God, Juliette understood that, not because of herself... but from when Esme had told her how much it hurt to feel like she was both loved and hated at the same time... She could only imagine how Becky felt, it was already such a vulnerable experience, putting one's own feelings out there, and now this was happening. She didn't envy her...

Juliette gave her a weak shrug and a little smile... Say something supportive, hopeful... Let her know that you're listening, that you want it to be okay... How did she do that?

"Maybe she will... Time will tell, and I hate that answer but it's true." Great. That just made her sound like some middle ground midwestern mom who didn't want to rock the boat... Did she mean it? Yeah, but it was still pretty shitty advice.

Becky groaned and sat down in one of the tiny chairs, covering her face with her hands as Juliette crouched beside her, pulling her in so she could rest her chin lightly on top of her head, rubbing her back.

"I wish I'd just fallen for someone who could want me without being afraid of it." Juliette frowned at this, closing her eyes as she held Becky a little closer... She deserved that, she deserved love that wasn't conditional or secret... She was a good kid who needed someone who was good to her.