Borrowed Time

Chapter 126

The exhaustion and sleep deprivation was really starting to get to Juliette, that was what she was realizing while sitting on Carly's couch, completely zoned out as she stared at a piece of art on her wall... She hadn't gotten an uninterrupted night of sleep since Wednesday night... Realistically, that wasn't that long ago but she was out of practice with not sleeping well, sleeping with Esme really helped her get a healthy sleep schedule.

She'd been sleeping at Shelby the past two nights and she usually slept amazing at her house, but she was so fucking scared right now that she couldn't bring herself to fall asleep for more than an hour at a time, and then she'd spend a half hour just... Looking at Shelby. Willing her to get better... Not to get better, but to feel better... Shelby was allowed to have her shit going on, she just didn't want her to be hurting, she was the nicest person ever, she didn't deserve it.

Esme had been great through it, they'd slept in the guest room on Friday night after the basketball game even though Shelby had told them that they could both go home... Esme had insisted on staying. Juliette knew that she'd be there all night, but it was sweet of Esme to stay, to go and get them coffee in the morning, to help Shelby do her hair routine... She didn't know that Esme knew how to do that, but Penny had given them some tips when they were dating and Shelby and her had similar textures, so according to Esme it'd been a breeze.

Micheal had stayed too, just as glued to Shelby as Juliette was, just as worried... Sleeping just as poorly, but that boy was used to ten hours of sleep a night, so he was not faring well... Penny had dragged Shelby out into the general population before Juliette had left for her study session with Carly, and she was letting Micheal take care of Shelby tonight so that he could be a boyfriend and not just a best friend for a minute but it was hard.

It was hard to not be there. It was hard to not know everything... She was panicking about not being there even though she knew it meant that she'd probably get a full night's sleep and that she could eat without feeling sick... Maybe. She wasn't sure how long the anxious nausea would last, sometimes it lasted weeks, but she was hoping that it wouldn't... She no longer found comfort in the dizziness, it no longer made her feel like she was doing something worthwhile... Maybe that was because she was no longer around people who commented on her body and her weight all the time, but she felt better when she was eating...

Maybe that was part of why she was so foggy right now...

"Jules, are you alright? You're a million miles away right now." She jumped at the sound of Carly's voice echoing in her brain, sounding somehow both like she was far away and way too close, making her grit her teeth as she clenched her hands on her sweatpants... She hated when she got too lost in her mind because shit like this, the random shit would startle the hell out of her.

You've been sleeping like shit the past two nights, don't be surprised that you're fucking jumpy, dumbass. She hated that her internal monologue was against her as well... It seemed really fucking counterproductive if she thought about it for too long... The self hatred was bound to catch up to her sometime, right?

She gave Carly a tight smile as she looked over at her, trying not to internalize the concerned look on her face, but it was impossible... She didn't want people worrying about her as if she was the one having the hard time, she was fine.

"Yeah, I'm just... Uh..." Her voice sounded rough over the words and she furrowed her brows... Why did she sound like that? It wasn't her voice at all, it wasn't something that she was prepared to have come out of her throat and it completely interrupted her thought process which she wasn't expecting at all.

Luckily, Carly was able to figure out what her derailed train of thought was. She scooted closer, placing a hand on her knee comfortingly, squeezing it as she did, giving her a knowing smile. Juliette grimaced and leaned away. Don't be nice to me, I haven't had enough sleep to not be a dick about it.