Borrowed Time

Chapter 170

Juliette used to hate being in cars - genuinely, she did because it was out of her control and her brain would fill in all the terrible things that could happen - she could die, they could get in an accident, someone else could get hit by the car and she wouldn't even be able to stop it. All of her friends were super safe drivers, that wasn't the problem, the problem was that her brain went a million miles an hour and focused on the worst possible outcome over focusing on the fact that the person behind the wheel was trustworthy.

That'd changed a lot with Esme; it was hard to feel unsafe with someone who was her safety in her heart and her soul. Being around them quieted her brain down from its regular overwhelming roar down into a normal sort of dull buzz, and that was something that she was eternally grateful for, she hadn't realized how much the stress of the world had been affecting her until it was gone. She could feel it when she was tense now - her shoulders felt like they were being pulled by strings, and her hands felt heavier when she felt like there was something wrong, something she couldn't see.

It happened less now, which was good aside from the fact that when it did happen, she was out of practice for it. Luckily, that wasn't right now.

Right now, she was just focused on Tegan's birthday, drumming her fingers on the top of the gift that she'd gotten them - she'd found a tshirt online that said, 'god is testing me and I have not studied' and another that said, 'I eat a balanced diet of cement and cigarettes', which seemed like something they'd wear... She hoped they'd like them; Esme had laughed when they'd read them, so she took that as a sign that they were a good choice. Tegan deserved the best birthday ever, he'd been such a blessing in her life, and she wanted him to feel loved and seen and his... Interesting fashion choices were something that she'd noticed about them a long time ago.

She loved it.

"Hey." She glanced over at Esme, who'd slid their hand onto her thigh, squeezing it lightly in a way that made her jump as she clamped her hand over her mouth, squeezing her eyes shut as she willed any reaction away... Right before Tegan's birthday party was not the time for horny behavior, and she was going to neglect any and all horniness until the celebration was over. "You good?" They asked, and Juliette blinked... Was she not presenting as okay? Because she was okay, there was nothing wrong right now that she could think of.

What was she doing right now that was making Esme think that she was anything short of perfectly fine?

She needed to stop it immediately.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She cleared her throat, turning towards them a bit, looking at their side profile as they focused on the road, their hands squeezing and releasing on the steering wheel, making her throat feel dry as she looked at the glint of the silver of their rings in the afternoon light, the tendons of their hands popping out in a way that practically made her salivate. Good god, keep it in your pants... God would be disappointed in you, stop being horny. "Do I not seem okay?" She asked, willing her brain to think about something other than how pretty Esme's hands would look around her throat.

This is not the time for unholy thoughts. Channel your past repression, just not the nausea that it brings along.

Delicate line, but she needed to balance it.

They shrugged, drumming their fingers on the steering wheel as she closed her eyes, breathing heavily out of her nose as she clenched her hand on her free pant leg... Esme existing was just a recipe for her having so many thoughts that would never be in the bible. She really hoped that no one who was around them ever was a mind reader, because that bitch would be scarred for life by very vivid fantasies because they just begged for that sort of mental attention around her.