Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 11: First Kiss.

Phiwokuhle's POV

"How was your day?" he asks. "It was okay. We didn't do much at school." I answer. "You look beautiful in that uniform." "Uniform has never looked good on a school child so I don't believe you." He chuckles. "Well not every school child is like you. You look really good in it." "Thank you."

"But you know what would look better on you.." he says and i shake my head no. "Nothing." I give him a weird look. "No clothes would look good on you." "You've never seen me with no clothes so you don't know." "Who said that?" He puts his hand on my thigh and starts caressing it. I stand up and run to my bedroom and lock the door.

I try and blink away the tears but they just flow. What did i do to deserve this? I sometimes wish I wasn't this pretty or that I was dead cause I hate this life I'm living.

I scream and jolt up and clutch my hand on my chest. I try to calm myself down but it isn't working. The nightmares are back and i can't afford to have them now at this stage in life. I take a deep breath in and exhale slowly. I go downstairs to the kitchen to pour myself water.

"Phiwokuhle." I scream. "Shit Phiwokwakhe don't scare me like that." I say and take deep breaths. "Uright?" (Are you okay?) "Yeah I'm okay." "Why aren't you sleeping?" "I had a nightmare." "They are back again." "No its just a random one this time." "Don't lie to me Phiwokuhle. Are they back?" I nod my head and look down.

"Come here." I walk closer to him and he pulls me in for a hug. "When are you going to tell me what these nightmares are about?" he asks and i shake my head no. "One day but not now. I just can't talk about it because I'll be ruining things." I answer. "What could you possibly ruin?" "Relationships." "That's not true. Please tell me." I shake my head no and break the hug.

"I'll tell you one day now is not the time." I say. "Just know that I'm here for you." he says. "I know that Phiwokwakhe and that's one thing I'll never forget. You always tell me the same thing almost every day." He chuckles. "I tell you so it can stick in your brain that you not alone." "I know that and you must also know that you not alone."

"I know that and I'm sorry for not telling you sooner that I'm a boxer. I was scared that you were going to run to ma and tell her what i do and i know she was gonna make me quit even though it's my coping mechanism." he says. "Its okay I understand. I was never gonna tell mom unless you put me in a tough corner." I say and he chuckles.

"Lets go to sleep. We can share a room so they don't come back." he says. "How does it make you feel?" I ask. "What?" "Boxing." "It makes me feel happy and i know when I'm in that ring I'm in control. I feel happy that I can control something in my life cause you know how our lives are right now." "Is he a nice coach?"

"Yeah he is. His very kind and caring and makes sure I'm okay." he answers. "Okay." I say and sigh. I wish he was as kind to me as he is to my other siblings. I switch off the lights and we go to his room and sleep takes over me as soon as my head hits the pillow. At least when he is near me I can sleep peacefully.