Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 55: Every step of the way.

Phiwokuhle's POV
Few weeks later...

I collect my bags from the front and leave the exam hall. I'm glad I'm done so I won't be seeing anyone for a while even though it's for a week or so but still I appreciate it. I hear Ayesha call my name but I ignore her. I don't want people around me right now. I just need to be left alone. I don't need people telling me that I will be okay. There is nothing that's going to make me feel better. I feel her grab my arm and i shriek.

"I'm sorry baby. Can we please talk." says Ayesha. "Ayesha just leave me alone." I say. "I'm not letting you walk out on me again." I roll my eyes. We shall see about that. I remove my arm from her and continue walking. I take out my airpods and connect them to my phone's Bluetooth and shuffle my playlist. The song Wait by August Alsina starts playing.

I know this may not be my place
But I got something I should say to you
Sometimes I'm in a different place
But that don't change the way I feel for you
I do
This may not be best time
I got a lot going on inside my mind
Don't think for a minute I'm a fool
Don't know what I'll do if I lose you

You need someone who will be there to hold you
I can't even say that it's fair but I do
Hope you know I'll always be here if you need me
What I gotta say isn't easy
If you gotta leave, girl i won't stop you so do what you gotta do
I don't want you to go
But I got a few things in life that I gotta do
I'm not telling you to wait
I'm not telling you to wait on me
I'm not telling you to wait
But I'm hoping that you wait on me

I feel like this song is communicating with me maybe I should leave Ayesha because I can't keep hurting her like this. I hail for the taxi and it stops and i get inside and it drive off. I'm just glad we done with exams so now I don't have to deal with people giving me the pity look or the teachers being extra nice to me. I don't mind being shown kindness but once it gets too much it becomes revolting to put it mildly.

I hate pity and that's what I'm getting. I rest my head against the window and watch the buildings pass by as I go home. I shout stop sign and the driver stops and i get off. I walk back home and i open the gate and head inside. I unlock the door and enter. I go to my bedroom and strip off my uniform and wear a gown and walk to the bathroom.

I close the door and sit at the edge of the bathtub. I open the cabinet and take out the razor. I close the cabinet door and i take the razor and start slashing my wrists. I switch between my wrists and thighs and once I feel the pain becoming too much I stop and rinse off the blood. This is very therapeutic and it just numbs the internal pain for a while which is what i need.

I take my face cloth and wipe myself dry. I take the bandage from the cabinet and i wrap it around my wrists. I take the razor and leave the bathroom and go back to my bedroom. I close the door and plop myself on the bed. My phone rings and i check the caller ID and it's Ayesha.