Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 12: Talked sooner.

Phiwokuhle's POV

We pull apart from the kiss and i look down. I don't know what i just did. Why did I kiss her? But the kiss was so good and i feel like kissing her again. I've never kissed anyone before, all the people I dated we only stuck to texting and i never wanted to kiss them. I can't believe she took my first kiss but I don't regret it.

"Why you looking down?" she asks. "I've never kissed a girl before." I mumble. "Come again." "I've never kissed a girl before." "Why didn't you tell me before I kissed you?" "Curiosity got the better of me." She chuckles. "But is it your first time kissing someone or is it your first time kissing a girl?" I blush.

"Phiwokuhle." she says. "I'm sorry that i didn't tell you." I say. "So how was it?" "It felt good and i want to do it again." "Should I do it?" I'm tempted to say yes but we shouldn't get carried away. I shake my head no. "I still want to process everything first." "Okay it's fine I understand. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable." "No you didn't so don't worry. I consented so that's all that matters." She smiles.

"Let me get going." I say and she nods. We hug each other and it feels a bit akward. I can't believe i actually kissed her. Why did I actually kiss her? Do I regret kissing her? No but I should have thought things through first before going ahead with it. I guess I needed something to distract me for a while that's why I did it. But that kiss unlocked something in me. Something that I won't mention.

I'm glad she actually asked me first. I think the fact that she asked for consent made me want to do it. Besides me having that strong urge to kiss her the consent made me fold. When we kissed i got a lot
of butterflies in my stomach. I've never felt that way before with any of the guys I've dated. I doubt I'm lesbian though but i actually did it. Yoh hai I'm very confused. I get home and go upstairs.

I understand why my sister described the kiss the way that she did. I thought she was being overdramatic with her explanation but then i guess it actually is the way she said it. I want to kiss her again but then my mind is telling me no. No I actually shouldn't kiss her again. We should stick to being friends/acquaintances and not ruin anything between us.

I change into causal clothing and start with my homework. After completing my homework I go downstairs to help my mom. "Hi ma." I greet. "Hi. Unjani?" she asks. " Ngiyaphila wena." "Nami ngiyaphila. Did you get the email at school?" "Yeah they said you getting Friday detention."

"I'm really sorry that i got into a fight at school mama. I know I disappointed you after I promised that I wouldn't get into trouble. I'm also sorry for sneaking out with Phiwokwakhe the other night." I say. "I can see you sorry. I forgive you Phiwokuhle but don't do it again otherwise you'll be in more trouble." she says. "I understand mama." "You better start working on your anger issues though."

"Not this again ma." I say. "Yes this again. Phiwokuhle I'm tired of getting an email at school that you got into a fight. You need to have an extra mural or attend therapy." she said. "But mama if you didn't stay in this marriage do you think we would be like this." "Look I know I did you guys wrong by staying in this marriage but it's not as easy as you think it is to leave." "Stop saying that. The longer you stay the more I fight. Why should I listen to you?"

"Please do something in your spare time Phiwokuhle. I'm working on leaving this marriage. I promise you this year I'm leaving." she says and i roll my eyes. "Like you said ma it's not easy to leave so what makes you think that it will work out this year?" I ask. "Have faith in me nana." I scoff. "I'm just asking." "Don't worry we will leave this place. I need to get my finances in order and make sure we will have everything we need before we leave." I sigh.