Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 46: Temporary fling.

Phiwokuhle's POV

I knock twice and i hear a come in from the other side. She kisses my hand and i smile. "You can go." I say and she nods. This is it now and there is no going back. I enter the office and i greet the person that's there. I sit down and place my school bag on the floor. "You must be Phiwokuhle?" she asks. "Yes that's me. I'm wondering how do you know me though." I ask. "Your infamous fight made it to my office." I chuckle.

"I'm Ms. Mhlongo and I'm a psychologist." she says. "I was about to introduce myself but then i remembered you know me." I say and she chuckles. "So how can I help you today?" "I think I need help." "Need help with what?" I gulp. "I have anger issues." "Do you know where your anger stems from?"

"Yes I do." I answer. "Can you please explain." she says. "I grew up in an abusive home. My dad used to abuse me, my siblings and my mom." "Emotionally or physically?" "Both. I never experienced the love from my dad and it built this anger inside of me that maybe I don't deserve love and maybe whoever that might try to love me will betray me like he did."

"Where is your dad now?" she asks. "My mom managed to pack our bags and leave him. The divorce has been finalized and he would be required to pay child support for all of us." I answer. "Where do you guys live now?" "We live at my grandmother's old house." She nods and takes some notes down.

"I'm surprised that the abuse at home has never affected your academic marks. Most kids would have had a hard time focusing at school and grasping the little things they taught." she says. "He forced us." I say. "What do you mean by that?" "I mean that he threatened us, if our marks were low he would beat us. I guess we kind of had to learn how to block things out and not let what's happening at home affect our lives at school."

"Have you attempted to commit suicide?" she asks and i nod. "Yes I have numerous times but then I remembered my younger siblings and i stopped." "Do you ever harm yourself?" "I used to but I have stopped since I moved out." She takes a few notes down.

"Have you ever told anyone besides your family members about the abuse?" she asks. "No not even my family we weren't supposed to talk and I was also scared that they would try and open a case against him. My dad has police connections so I'm sure he would have been able to make the files disappear." I answer. "What made you come to the realization that you need help?"

"Ever since we left him my life has been different, a good different though. I have met people that care about me and i care about them and i also want to change. I want to let go of the anger and pain he has caused me. I want to be a bit more free and never have to think about the past. I just want a better life for myself and my siblings." I answer and she smiles.

"I know therapy has a stigma surrounding it that only white people should attend it but it's for everyone. You will find healing in therapy and you get to discover who you really are. If I was to ask you the question who is Phiwokuhle would you be able to answer it?" she asks and i shake my head no. "I'm glad that you realize that you need help and not only to benefit you but also the people around you."

"So when can I start my sessions?" I ask. "Meet me every Monday and Wednesday during break time. Don't worry when I pop into your class sometimes and ask to speak to you." she says and i nod. "Thank you. I'll be there." She smiles and i stand up and take my stuff and leave. I find Ayesha sitting by the chair that's outside the office.

"I didn't think you would wait for me." I say. "I wanted to see if you would storm out after two seconds of entering the office." she says and i chuckle. She stands up and enterwines her hand with mines and we walk to class. "So how was it?" "It was okay. I just told her about my background story." She nods.