Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 23: Night is still young.

Phiwokuhle's POV

Ayesha sits next to me and starts rubbing my back. "What's wrong?" she asks. "It's just too much for me." I answer. "Talk to me love." "I wish things were different. I wish I never lived the life I did." "I'm sorry baby." She pulls me in for a hug and i wrap my arms around her waist. "It's going to be okay." "It won't." "It will. Come let's go or do you want us to sit here."

"Lets go." I say and i pack my stuff and we stand up and go. Kwenzo is gone, I wonder where he went. I'm glad i didn't have a full break down so I don't have to worry about fixing myself. I know she wants to ask more questions and I'm glad she's refraining herself from doing so.

I'm not ready to tell her. I wasn't ready to tell Kwenzo too but it just happened. I don't want her to get a certain image of me before our relationship goes somewhere. We walk to our usual spot and sit down. "It's going to be okay. Don't wish to live a different life cause if you did I wouldn't have met you." I chuckle.

"I'm sorry you had to see me that way." I say. "Don't apologize. We will talk about this some other time when you ready." she says and i hug her. "Thank you for being patient with me." "It's okay love. I don't want to rush you. Opening up shouldn't be done forcefully." I nod.

"So how did the session go?" she asks. "It went okay. Until i had that mini break down." I answer. She brushes my cheek and kisses it. "Can I kiss you?" "Please do." She scoots closer and cups my cheek and kisses me. I let out a soft moan and she uses that as an opportunity to slide her tongue in my mouth.

This girl is a good kisser. Whoever taught her gave her some good lessons cause I'm sure enjoying her kisses. We break apart after a few minutes to catch our breaths. "You such a natural." she says and i feel my cheeks heat up. "Thanks I guess." "You so cute when you blush."

"Whatever Ayesha." I say and she chuckles. "So have you asked your dad?" she asks. "Not yet. I'm going to ask him today and then I will text you." "Okay love. I'll be waiting for your text." I smile and the bell rings signalling that break is over. She kisses me again and pecks my lips multiple times and we go back to class.

Today I was able to wake up and shove up all my issues where the sun don't shine. I was more focused today and i didn't let anything distract. And I was doing fine before he saw the bruise on my neck. I find comfort in talking to Kwenzo but i don't want to show him my vulnerable side because I don't want it to backfire on me.

I want to tell Ayesha I really do but I'll just postpone it and tell her later on. I don't want to open up to too many people because they like seasons they come and go and i don't want them to leave me because they will be leaving with my secrets and who knows they might want to expose me or use them against me.

£

I get inside my dad's house and go upstairs to my bedroom. I get inside and lock the door and change into pjamas. I haven't spoken to Phiwokwakhe since that confrontation or whatever it was and I'm avoiding him hence locking the doors.

His been trying to talk to me and I'm not ready. I'm still angry at him for confronting that man. Who in their right mind does that? I get that he was angry but he wasn't supposed to say anything. I don't even know what his going to do and I'm scared. I'm scared that this time he will do something worse and i won't heal from it.

I sit at my study table and start with my homework. I honestly can't wait to go on the date with Ayesha. I still haven't asked for permission but if they don't allow me I'm sneaking out cause I'm not about to miss out on this. I really like her and she makes me happy. I'm not about to have these people stop me from being happy. They already do that on a daily basis.