Finding Myself ✓

Chapter 35: Stick together.

Phiwokuhle's POV

Numb. Numb is the easiest way to describe the way I feel right now. Everything that's happening around me is fast paced but in my mind everything is moving slowly. Nothing feels right and nothing will ever feel right. I can't afford to fail my exams this term so that's what's pushing me to not lose myself into this pain. I shall feel when the holidays begin.

I exit the library and head to the place where I usually sit with Ayesha. I can't believe I said that to them. I crossed way too many lines with that statement and now they will want to know more about me and i don't think I'm ready for that step. Everything in my life is falling apart. Why can't I just be happy and content? I always have to experience drama even when I'm writing my exams.

I rest my elbows on my knees and cover my eyes with my hands. I feel someone sigh next to me and i remove my hands and see Ayesha. "I need to be alone." I say. "I won't allow you to be alone sthandwa sami. You need me now more than ever and i would be damned if I let you go through this alone." she says. I scoot closer to her and lay my head on her shoulder. (my love.)

"Its okay love. You don't have to write." she says while she rubs my back soothingly. "I do want to write. I may not be okay right now but I need to write. I can't wallow in self pity, not when I'm writing exams. I can try my best and focus on these exams and then I shall deal with my emotions later." I say and she nods. "Whatever you want baby."

She kisses the bridge of my nose and i giggle. "I want one on my lips." I say and she chuckles. She holds my chin and presses her lips on mines. "You the best thing to happen to me." she murmurs. "I know." She chuckles. We pull away from the kiss to catch our breaths and chuckle.

"I've been meaning to tell you this.." the bell rings cutting her off. "What do you want to tell me?" I ask. "Its fine let's go write than I shall tell you afterwards." I nod and we stand up and walk back to class. We line up and wait for the teacher to arrive. He arrives and unlocks the door. We get inside and take out our stationary and put our bags in the front.

"Phiwokuhle." he says and i walk to the desk. "Yes sir?" "Are you sure you are capable of writing? You don't need to feel pressured." "I'm positive sir. I don't want to sit and cry because it's not like it will increase my marks." "Okay but if you feel overwhelmed please let me know we will stop the session." I nod. "Thank you sir I appreciate it."

I'm glad that the teachers are concerned about me. Most teachers i know wouldn't even care whether I write or not but these teachers here do. I guess that's what makes this school better. I sit at my desk and wait for the paper to come. I say a little prayer to remember the knowledge I studied for and to not black out again. The teacher hands out the paper and we go through it.

We read for 10 minutes and then they tell us to start writing. Through out the test I managed to forget most of my problems. I was happy that I didn't pass out or have a panic attack. This test was really enjoyable and i managed to write it with ease. The teacher collects the papers and we sit for five minutes before we are dismissed.

I take my bag and Ayesha enterwines our hands and walk out. "How was the test?" she asks. "It was good. I managed to focus on it." I answer. "That's good baby." I smile. "How did you find the test?" "It was okay, manageable." "Can we go check on Kwenzo I want to tell him something then we can go." "Asambe." (Lets go.)

We walk to his class and we see him exit the class. "Uright?" he asks. "Yeah I'm good. I just wanted to say sorry for earlier. I wasn't supposed to say that and i don't want you guys to think too much into what i said. I'm okay and i can only hope and pray my mother will also be okay." I say. "Its okay. But just know you can always talk to us. We are there for you."